Ah yes, I haven't posted for an incredibly lofty, esoteric reason:
Ok, I'm just a lazy ass.
I'm on vacation, and frankly typing makes me tired. So, no Weekend updates, no memes - hell, I may not even do a 2004 recap, or best of before we ring in the new year. I'm just too trifling. Me is chillin', Hammy is chillin', what more can I say, top-billin'...that's what we get...
aight, enuff - my hands feel weak already.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Merry Christmas
Yes Virginia - there is some Christmas cheer...the combination of nutmeg, thyme and freshly cut wrapping paper did it...lol. Merry Christmas y'all!!!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
pre-X-Mas Blues
The holidays are always a hard time for me. I started not to post this, but someone reminded me - I don't write for my audience, I write for me. And I need to get this out. Log off now if you don't want to share my sadness...
My son was involved in a car accident involving a drunk driver. He's fine, and the other passengers are fine as well. The other driver was caught after they also managed to hit a police cruiser and charges are pending.
As I drove home from the ER, adrenaline wearing off, silent tears slid down my face, and I allowed them, for several reasons. Mostly, the holidays are hard for me.
One year ago, my son came home from daycare with a broken arm, and I spent 16 hours in the ER waiting for them to set it - then came home, gathered myself, and headed back to the hospital for my fibroid surgery. Within a 48 hour period, my "boyfriend" managed to neglect to take me to my surgical appointment, I had to come up with someone else to take me, I had family & children services calling my hospital room, and my daughter had to hold down the house while I recovered. I managed to get out of bed last X-Mas just long enough to watch them open presents, then slipped back into my pain-killer induced sleep.
Seven years ago, my fiance (FL) came home & cracked several bones in my left hand, after he'd stayed out for 36 hours without calling. I spent that X-Mas eve in the ER for 8 hours, filling out the warrant paperwork so the cops would pick him up, while I worried how I was going to care for my sick child one-handed.
For many years I've struggled as a single parent to make sure that my kids had a memorable X-Mas, even when it meant financial finagling, struggle and sacrifices on my part. I'm a mom, that's my job, I chose it, and I'm fine with that. And I know someone is going to post a comment, telling me to be grateful that my kids are healthy, that I'm healthy, that we have a roof over our heads and the whole nine. I agree, and I do appreciate that, but it's no consolation for the way that I'm feeling.
This year is different, and I'm not sure why. I've dealt with adversity many, many times, but this year is different. It may be the fact that I have no family to speak of - my parents have been dead for several years, and my only brother is 25+ years older than I - we don't know each other. It could be that I've been busting my a$$, sacrificing my social life to pursue a degree which has yet to show a payoff. Maybe it's just that the holidays are hard. Maybe it's just that being a single mom is hard. Maybe it's that being the single parent of a disabled child, with a very small support system, is almost impossible.
Or, maybe it's that I'd like something genuinely good to happen to us. Something that I didn't have to sacrifice for, something that I didn't have to work my a$$ off to achieve, something that I didn't feel like I made happen. Something, extraordinary.
I'm not sure. The only thing I am sure of is this - I give so much of myself (maybe I've given too much) to my friends, to my coworkers, to my jobs, to my extended family, to my exes, even to FL, or at least I've tried to. Now, I want something just for me. Something simply good, nice - just for the sake of making me smile, and not asking anything in return. Something that would make Hammy say "very-very good, mommy".
That's what I want for X-Mas.
My son was involved in a car accident involving a drunk driver. He's fine, and the other passengers are fine as well. The other driver was caught after they also managed to hit a police cruiser and charges are pending.
As I drove home from the ER, adrenaline wearing off, silent tears slid down my face, and I allowed them, for several reasons. Mostly, the holidays are hard for me.
One year ago, my son came home from daycare with a broken arm, and I spent 16 hours in the ER waiting for them to set it - then came home, gathered myself, and headed back to the hospital for my fibroid surgery. Within a 48 hour period, my "boyfriend" managed to neglect to take me to my surgical appointment, I had to come up with someone else to take me, I had family & children services calling my hospital room, and my daughter had to hold down the house while I recovered. I managed to get out of bed last X-Mas just long enough to watch them open presents, then slipped back into my pain-killer induced sleep.
Seven years ago, my fiance (FL) came home & cracked several bones in my left hand, after he'd stayed out for 36 hours without calling. I spent that X-Mas eve in the ER for 8 hours, filling out the warrant paperwork so the cops would pick him up, while I worried how I was going to care for my sick child one-handed.
For many years I've struggled as a single parent to make sure that my kids had a memorable X-Mas, even when it meant financial finagling, struggle and sacrifices on my part. I'm a mom, that's my job, I chose it, and I'm fine with that. And I know someone is going to post a comment, telling me to be grateful that my kids are healthy, that I'm healthy, that we have a roof over our heads and the whole nine. I agree, and I do appreciate that, but it's no consolation for the way that I'm feeling.
This year is different, and I'm not sure why. I've dealt with adversity many, many times, but this year is different. It may be the fact that I have no family to speak of - my parents have been dead for several years, and my only brother is 25+ years older than I - we don't know each other. It could be that I've been busting my a$$, sacrificing my social life to pursue a degree which has yet to show a payoff. Maybe it's just that the holidays are hard. Maybe it's just that being a single mom is hard. Maybe it's that being the single parent of a disabled child, with a very small support system, is almost impossible.
Or, maybe it's that I'd like something genuinely good to happen to us. Something that I didn't have to sacrifice for, something that I didn't have to work my a$$ off to achieve, something that I didn't feel like I made happen. Something, extraordinary.
I'm not sure. The only thing I am sure of is this - I give so much of myself (maybe I've given too much) to my friends, to my coworkers, to my jobs, to my extended family, to my exes, even to FL, or at least I've tried to. Now, I want something just for me. Something simply good, nice - just for the sake of making me smile, and not asking anything in return. Something that would make Hammy say "very-very good, mommy".
That's what I want for X-Mas.
Monday, December 20, 2004
weekend trip to Snarkville...
Yes, I got my Scrooge on. And your point is...? No really - I was not fit for human consumption the entire weekend...the
Bakers Dozen c/o ej.
- Vegetate with Hammy, and watch Finding Nemo for the gazillionth time.
- Insomnia & the convo with Mr. Earning Potential. Synopsis: not only is chivalry dead, but it took romance out with it...
- I decide that my lovelife needs a colonic.
- Saturday:: Tried X-mas shopping with E. Came across 2 soccer moms fighting over a parking space, and...
- Meghan, the official Customer-No-Service Queen of 2005. After not greeting me, and then looking blankly as I tried to return the not-so-hot Pumas (I bought 3 pairs, jeez); she says "er, um yes?!" then proceeds to charge me for the shoes, again. I subsequently spent another 20 minutes in the store, as the manager fixed Ms. Meghan's f&*%-up.
- Goodwill toward men, falalalala - what a crock of bullshyt....And if one more Neon/Tercel/Echo/Focus cuts Bessie (my truck) off on the way home from the mall, I'mma put the driver in a choke hold...choke 'em out, until I put 'em to sleep.
- Get home, and I finally wash the press outta my hair. I'm nappy-headed once again-Yeah!!!
- Hammy & I retire early, to watch A.I. Ok, honestly - Hammy watches A.I., and since it is (IMHO) the longest and most depressing movie ever made, I watch the back of my eye lids.
- My thoughts until approximately Sunday 2pm:: I really should get up and do something, right? At about 4pm, I finally run out to look at a property that my realtor found us...
- ...and I run into my version of Xanadu, hence the picture above. Don't want to jinx it, so I don't want to talk about it much, but I think I found my home.
- Interesting convo with The Geek about why my lovelife sucks. He gave me a tortoise & hare analogy: The Rover and Old Faithful. Basically, since Rover is more experienced than Old Faithful, Rover initially appears smoother & more charming. So Rover gets more chicks & gets around. More chicks come across Rover (and his brethren since they are dating multiple women), so they think "all men are dogs". Meanwhile, Old Faithful is sitting by the door, less smooth, sorta chillin'- looking for that "One", and women are stepping over him, to get at Rover. The Geek claims he's Old Faithful. We'll see.
- The Wire:: fave scene - Marlo winking at Avon in court like "I got this shawty..." Can u say - DAYUM!!!! And Cutty is my new fave hottie.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
the anti-dating rant
Now that I've had a few hours sleep, and a little time to mull over the convo with Mr. Earning Potential, I'm pissed. Like my sista-blogger Elle stated a few weeks ago, I've gotta agree - 2004 has been a banner year for a$$holes.
A coworker suggested that any man over 35, that's never been married probably has a good reason to not marry - the type of reason most women would run from. I'm beginning to agree. Let's look at a few choice examples, shall we?
<rubbing my earlobes & chanting>WOO-M&*$@-F$#%ING-SA
Whew. I don't know if it's PMS, DMS or POMS (pre, during or post MS), but that felt dayum good. Now that I've gotten that out, maybe I can clear my dance card, and start out the New Year fresh. Sans brothers. Love y'all, but (save 2 notable exceptions, who are nowhere near my immediate vicinity) you're all getting on my nerves.
My lovelife needs a colonic.
A coworker suggested that any man over 35, that's never been married probably has a good reason to not marry - the type of reason most women would run from. I'm beginning to agree. Let's look at a few choice examples, shall we?
- The maintenance applicant:: After applying for the position left open by the maintenance dude, during the initial interview this 46 year-old explains his current dating position, and mentions his maintenance chick. Why is she the maintenance chick I ask? She's immature, and they're not on the same page career-wise or in pursuing life-goals. Oh yeah, and she's 23. She's 3 years older than the Chaos. Er, let me call you right back. For real. I swear.
- The 50+ year olds:: does the geriatric set feel like they don't have shyt to lose? I'm 38. What the f&*% do I want with someone 15+ years older than me, who more likely than not is gonna have probs with his prostate, and impotence? Dayum, don't I have enough to look forward to, without that now???!!!
- The teacher:: in my local grocery store, he follows me around for 20 minutes while I pick out my groceries, then hangs around my car until I come out. Stalking at 7am is not cool, but he's an older cat, so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. We exchange numbers, and he keeps my Cross pen. Fine, I ain't tripping it. Then he calls me 3 times btwn 8 - 9:30am while I'm on a conference call, to tell me he has my pen. Ok, jeez - I'll get it from you next time I see you. So when I see him again, and ask him about it, he gives me this quizzical look, like I'm being cheap. Er, wasn't it you that called me to remind me? So, he goes to his car, and hands me a...Bic? When I call him on it, he says "look at you, being stingy..." WTF?! Yeah, I'm being stingy...wait...was that your phone # I accidentally threw out the window on I-85N at 90mph? Dayum...
- The Nigerians:: oh this one is so un-PC, but who cares? So, you see my lovely smiling face, and are moved to contact me. You think I'm beautiful, funny, but most of all, intelligent, and want nothing more than the opportunity to converse briefly with me. So far, so good. The problem/pitch is you lost your Visa/have this flourishing business, and you need help. With just a lil of my hard earned $$$, you can return to the US/ensure that your US business interests are being properly handled. Riiigghhht. I'm intelligent remember? So yeah, I'm gonna go for this...
- The Gen Y-ers:: The Chaos is 20 yrs old. Anyone within ±10 yrs of her age should know that I ain't taking note of anyone who could possibly look at both saga & the Chaos cross-eyed, like "I'd do either one of them". See the maintenance applicant above for more information.
- the maintenance dude, who violated rule #3 on List 2. 'Nuff Said.
- JC:: I refuse to talk about his a$$ again, on the grounds that it may incriminate me.
- The friend I should never have gone there with. I hate when I'm right sometimes.
- The rest:: the wildly anti-fashionable, marginally employed, gold-teethed, baby-mama-dramatic, artists-lovers-geeks-etc that end up being juggler's balls, substance-abusive, sex-addicted, horrible poets... WAIT. STOP.
- Any guy throwing his d&*^ at me. For the record: ANY WOMAN WORTH HER SALT CAN GET SOME D&*^ WHENVER SHE F$#%ING FEELS LIKE IT. SHE CAN WALK OUT HER DOOR, AND SHOUT "I'M HORNY" AND D&*^ WILL MAGICALLY FALL OUTTA THE SKY AT HER FEET. THEREFORE, AND FURTHERMORE, THERE IS TRULY NO SUCH THING AS A WOMAN DESPERATE FOR SEX. SO NOT NA'AN AND NA'ARY A ONE OF YOU ARE DOING ANY WOMAN A FAVOR BY OFFERING TO F$#@ HER.
I'm interrupting this rant/list for an important public service announcement. This message goes out to all those amateur poets, bathroom laureates, and aspiring bards in cyberspace. Brothers, if you are moved to write poetry to a stranger, please - I implore you - MAKE SURE YOU LET SOMEONE ELSE PROOF IT BEFORE YOU SEND IT. DON'T FALL BY THE WAYSIDE AS THIS ASPIRING WRITER DID. WARNING: HORRIBLE POETRY (unedited) FOLLOWS:
Peanut..
Size.
Does it really Matter?
Is Skippy better than Jiff., more Pea ?nuttier.
Why are jars hard to open when you just want to get to the peanut butter.
Then theirs crunchy.. thru the crunchiest, too many ! Nut?s {COUNT}
how many brands are there! Now tell me your favored
Peanut butter! Hay?
Size.
Does it really Matter?
Is Skippy better than Jiff., more Pea ?nuttier.
Why are jars hard to open when you just want to get to the peanut butter.
Then theirs crunchy.. thru the crunchiest, too many ! Nut?s {COUNT}
how many brands are there! Now tell me your favored
Peanut butter! Hay?
Note: I have no earthly idea WTF this was about. However, I did sarcastically email this dude, and created an analogy between Peanut Butter, and African-American love being oppressed (ground like PB) by this capitalist culture and 'The Man'. The Peanut Butter dude claimed "I got what he was trying to say". I don't know what was scarier - the poem, or the dude. Ok, back to the rant.
<rubbing my earlobes & chanting>WOO-M&*$@-F$#%ING-SA
Whew. I don't know if it's PMS, DMS or POMS (pre, during or post MS), but that felt dayum good. Now that I've gotten that out, maybe I can clear my dance card, and start out the New Year fresh. Sans brothers. Love y'all, but (save 2 notable exceptions, who are nowhere near my immediate vicinity) you're all getting on my nerves.
My lovelife needs a colonic.
insomnia & the anti-dating moan
I'm seriously thinking about giving up dating in the new year, and this is just one example of why...sorry, but i didn't want to edit anything this guy wrote - long post...
golfdude (2:22:18 AM): hi
saga_30311 (2:22:23 AM): hey
golfdude (2:22:41 AM): u up pretty late...
saga_30311 (2:22:54 AM): so r u
golfdude (2:23:00 AM): yeah...nite owl
saga_30311 (2:23:46 AM): insomnia?
golfdude (2:24:07 AM): a lil...mostly just bored...
saga_30311(2:25:21 AM): i hear u
golfdude (2:25:23 AM): no pic of you?
saga_30311<(2:25:30 AM): pic of me?
golfdude (2:25:31 AM): so are you in atlanta?
saga_30311 (2:25:34 AM): yes
golfdude (2:25:50 AM): we haven't chatted much so I need to get "reacquainted"
saga_30311 (2:26:04 AM): ah - ok
saga_30311 (2:27:23 AM): (link to my picture)
golfdude (2:27:26 AM): my name is elisha
saga_30311 (2:27:34 AM): XXXXX - nice to meet u
golfdude (2:27:41 AM): u2...what is that link?
saga_30311 (2:28:03 AM): think it's the link to my pic on BV
golfdude (2:28:26 AM): cute pic...how tall are you?
saga_30311(2:28:41 AM): 5'8"
golfdude (2:28:45 AM): :x
golfdude (2:28:48 AM): kids?
saga_30311 (2:29:07 AM): 2, but only one lives with me
saga_30311(2:29:11 AM): the other one is grown
golfdude (2:29:14 AM): k
saga_30311 (2:29:18 AM): u?
golfdude (2:29:18 AM): how old are you?
golfdude (2:29:20 AM): none
saga_30311 (2:29:28 AM): 38
golfdude (2:29:41 AM): guess you won't be having anymore kids huh
saga_30311 (2:30:14 AM): hm...the jury's out on that one
golfdude (2:30:21 AM): so what part of atlanta are you in? i'm on the conley/ellenwood area
saga_30311 (2:30:34 AM): since i'm still single, that's doubtful
saga_30311 (2:30:45 AM): i actually live in atlanta, near spelman
golfdude (2:30:55 AM): k
golfdude (2:31:09 AM): i'm like 12 miles from downtown...
saga_30311 (2:31:48 AM): conley/ellenwood is where/
saga_30311 (2:31:49 AM): ?
golfdude (2:31:55 AM): south atlanta
saga_30311 (2:32:01 AM): think i got lost & ended up there once
golfdude (2:32:05 AM): lol
saga_30311 (2:32:17 AM): it's like east of jonesboro?
golfdude (2:32:42 AM): yep
saga_30311 (2:32:45 AM): ok
saga_30311 (2:33:07 AM): so, how old r u?
golfdude (2:33:11 AM): 36
saga_30311 (2:33:36 AM): and u're trying to settle down & have kids (given the "right" person)?
saga_30311 (2:33:42 AM): how tall r u?
golfdude (2:34:03 AM): 6'
golfdude (2:34:16 AM): and yes that would be nice...but only ONE kid...lol
saga_30311 (2:34:21 AM): lol
saga_30311 (2:34:28 AM): u want a boy?
golfdude (2:34:44 AM): naw just healthy
saga_30311 (2:34:46 AM): ok
saga_30311 (2:34:59 AM): so, what do u do?
golfdude (2:34:59 AM): r u from atlanta?
golfdude (2:35:05 AM): IT like yourself...
saga_30311 (2:35:08 AM): no, from ________?
golfdude (2:35:40 AM): Helpdesk, DB & Web Administrator
saga_30311 (2:35:54 AM): lol - 'scuse the questionmark - I'm from ________
saga_30311 (2:35:55 AM): ok
OK, benign so far, right? Here's where the conversation takes some sordid turn:
saga_30311 (2:36:04 AM): where do u work?
golfdude (2:36:11 AM): buckhead
saga_30311 (2:36:32 AM): er, what company?
golfdude (2:36:44 AM): y
golfdude (2:37:00 AM): you won't know who it is if i told you and that really isnt' important
Ok, I gotta admit - this made me a lil salty. In my mind, I was really like CTFU dude, it's not that serious. But, I was willing to give the brother a lil more rope...
golfdude (2:39:18 AM): u there?
saga_30311 (2:39:26 AM): yes
golfdude (2:39:39 AM): cat got your tongue...
saga_30311 (2:39:44 AM): no
golfdude (2:40:59 AM): oh...u didn't say anything after my last answer...don't get offended, I just dont think that's "appropriate"...seems like sisters here worry and ask questions that don't have anything to do with gettign to know someone, mroe like trying to size up someone's financial earning potential...
...and right here he hung himself. So, by now I've not only lost the little interest I had, but I've been generalized...nice...
saga_30311 (2:41:53 AM): honestly, I was just making conversation, since i make good money myself - kinda like u asking where i'm from, which has little bearing since i live in atlanta now
golfdude (2:42:00 AM): no
golfdude (2:43:14 AM): askign where you are from is totally different than asking someone what company they work for...if you asked any man that he would say the same...but then again, everyone here is "caught up" on status
saga_30311 (2:43:51 AM): hm...hate being generalized....
saga_30311 (2:44:16 AM): and I would think, that since we're both in IT, that u could see I'm trying to establish common ground
saga_30311 (2:44:23 AM): obviously that's a prob
golfdude (2:44:31 AM): sry about that , but when so many sisters do the same thing it "ruins" it for those who may sincerely want to know something...
golfdude (2:44:36 AM): OK...that's true
saga_30311 (2:44:48 AM): don't worry about it though
golfdude (2:44:51 AM): but my company has NO bearing on a compatibility
Who said a f&*%ing thing about compatibility? Jeez - u chat with a dude, and he's assessing compatibility, based on an IM session? That's not at all like a sister determing earning capacity based on where a guy works, right? Anywayz
golfdude (2:45:01 AM): situation
golfdude (2:45:47 AM): talk about what YOU do...I didn't hear you say anything about what YOU do..just you work in IT :-?
saga_30311 (2:45:57 AM): u never asked
golfdude (2:46:26 AM): dont' have to...if I told you the YOU should have automatically reciprocated if you are trying to establish some sort of "compatibility"
...and now I'm found 'wanting'. I would've gone off, but it would've been a waste of energy...
saga_30311 (2:47:29 AM): for the record, i'm a java developer, but I've also done graphic design & web development work
golfdude (2:47:48 AM): well XXXXX (note he managed to spell it wrong), i'm about to head out...i'm about to fall asleep at the keyboard....lol
golfdude (2:47:54 AM): cool...
saga_30311 (2:47:54 AM): u seem a lil, er - sensitive about the whole work issue
golfdude (2:47:58 AM): no
golfdude (2:48:02 AM): i'm not like that at all
golfdude (2:48:10 AM): but i do have my limits...
saga_30311 (2:48:13 AM): like u've dated one too many gold digger
golfdude (2:48:50 AM): no, i dont' date gold diggers
golfdude (2:49:04 AM): i just dont get into that line of questioning
saga_30311 (2:49:17 AM): er, yeah....riiiiiggghht
Note:: my sarcasm here eludes him...
golfdude (2:49:27 AM): of the where you work, how much you make, what do you drive, do you own your own home
saga_30311 (2:50:00 AM): ok, isn't that presumptuous?
golfdude (2:50:02 AM): to me initially its none of someone's business
....kinda like how many kids u have, where u live, and where you're from, right?
golfdude (2:50:08 AM): no...
golfdude (2:50:33 AM): cause fi you get that initial answer, you'll ask the others...
saga_30311 (2:50:54 AM): again, that's a false assumption
golfdude (2:50:54 AM): maybe not YOU, but it happens...just see it like this...I just dont' like discussing that stuff
...kthxbi...
saga_30311 (2:50:59 AM): ok
saga_30311 (2:51:02 AM): g'nite
Exception? Unfortunately no...unmarried dudes over 30 with this kinda paranoia aren't all that rare. I was just too damn tired to check him (but not too tired to blog about it...lol). Methinks it's time for some time off...
golfdude (2:22:18 AM): hi
saga_30311 (2:22:23 AM): hey
golfdude (2:22:41 AM): u up pretty late...
saga_30311 (2:22:54 AM): so r u
golfdude (2:23:00 AM): yeah...nite owl
saga_30311 (2:23:46 AM): insomnia?
golfdude (2:24:07 AM): a lil...mostly just bored...
saga_30311(2:25:21 AM): i hear u
golfdude (2:25:23 AM): no pic of you?
saga_30311<(2:25:30 AM): pic of me?
golfdude (2:25:31 AM): so are you in atlanta?
saga_30311 (2:25:34 AM): yes
golfdude (2:25:50 AM): we haven't chatted much so I need to get "reacquainted"
saga_30311 (2:26:04 AM): ah - ok
saga_30311 (2:27:23 AM): (link to my picture)
golfdude (2:27:26 AM): my name is elisha
saga_30311 (2:27:34 AM): XXXXX - nice to meet u
golfdude (2:27:41 AM): u2...what is that link?
saga_30311 (2:28:03 AM): think it's the link to my pic on BV
golfdude (2:28:26 AM): cute pic...how tall are you?
saga_30311(2:28:41 AM): 5'8"
golfdude (2:28:45 AM): :x
golfdude (2:28:48 AM): kids?
saga_30311 (2:29:07 AM): 2, but only one lives with me
saga_30311(2:29:11 AM): the other one is grown
golfdude (2:29:14 AM): k
saga_30311 (2:29:18 AM): u?
golfdude (2:29:18 AM): how old are you?
golfdude (2:29:20 AM): none
saga_30311 (2:29:28 AM): 38
golfdude (2:29:41 AM): guess you won't be having anymore kids huh
saga_30311 (2:30:14 AM): hm...the jury's out on that one
golfdude (2:30:21 AM): so what part of atlanta are you in? i'm on the conley/ellenwood area
saga_30311 (2:30:34 AM): since i'm still single, that's doubtful
saga_30311 (2:30:45 AM): i actually live in atlanta, near spelman
golfdude (2:30:55 AM): k
golfdude (2:31:09 AM): i'm like 12 miles from downtown...
saga_30311 (2:31:48 AM): conley/ellenwood is where/
saga_30311 (2:31:49 AM): ?
golfdude (2:31:55 AM): south atlanta
saga_30311 (2:32:01 AM): think i got lost & ended up there once
golfdude (2:32:05 AM): lol
saga_30311 (2:32:17 AM): it's like east of jonesboro?
golfdude (2:32:42 AM): yep
saga_30311 (2:32:45 AM): ok
saga_30311 (2:33:07 AM): so, how old r u?
golfdude (2:33:11 AM): 36
saga_30311 (2:33:36 AM): and u're trying to settle down & have kids (given the "right" person)?
saga_30311 (2:33:42 AM): how tall r u?
golfdude (2:34:03 AM): 6'
golfdude (2:34:16 AM): and yes that would be nice...but only ONE kid...lol
saga_30311 (2:34:21 AM): lol
saga_30311 (2:34:28 AM): u want a boy?
golfdude (2:34:44 AM): naw just healthy
saga_30311 (2:34:46 AM): ok
saga_30311 (2:34:59 AM): so, what do u do?
golfdude (2:34:59 AM): r u from atlanta?
golfdude (2:35:05 AM): IT like yourself...
saga_30311 (2:35:08 AM): no, from ________?
golfdude (2:35:40 AM): Helpdesk, DB & Web Administrator
saga_30311 (2:35:54 AM): lol - 'scuse the questionmark - I'm from ________
saga_30311 (2:35:55 AM): ok
OK, benign so far, right? Here's where the conversation takes some sordid turn:
saga_30311 (2:36:04 AM): where do u work?
golfdude (2:36:11 AM): buckhead
saga_30311 (2:36:32 AM): er, what company?
golfdude (2:36:44 AM): y
golfdude (2:37:00 AM): you won't know who it is if i told you and that really isnt' important
Ok, I gotta admit - this made me a lil salty. In my mind, I was really like CTFU dude, it's not that serious. But, I was willing to give the brother a lil more rope...
golfdude (2:39:18 AM): u there?
saga_30311 (2:39:26 AM): yes
golfdude (2:39:39 AM): cat got your tongue...
saga_30311 (2:39:44 AM): no
golfdude (2:40:59 AM): oh...u didn't say anything after my last answer...don't get offended, I just dont think that's "appropriate"...seems like sisters here worry and ask questions that don't have anything to do with gettign to know someone, mroe like trying to size up someone's financial earning potential...
...and right here he hung himself. So, by now I've not only lost the little interest I had, but I've been generalized...nice...
saga_30311 (2:41:53 AM): honestly, I was just making conversation, since i make good money myself - kinda like u asking where i'm from, which has little bearing since i live in atlanta now
golfdude (2:42:00 AM): no
golfdude (2:43:14 AM): askign where you are from is totally different than asking someone what company they work for...if you asked any man that he would say the same...but then again, everyone here is "caught up" on status
saga_30311 (2:43:51 AM): hm...hate being generalized....
saga_30311 (2:44:16 AM): and I would think, that since we're both in IT, that u could see I'm trying to establish common ground
saga_30311 (2:44:23 AM): obviously that's a prob
golfdude (2:44:31 AM): sry about that , but when so many sisters do the same thing it "ruins" it for those who may sincerely want to know something...
golfdude (2:44:36 AM): OK...that's true
saga_30311 (2:44:48 AM): don't worry about it though
golfdude (2:44:51 AM): but my company has NO bearing on a compatibility
Who said a f&*%ing thing about compatibility? Jeez - u chat with a dude, and he's assessing compatibility, based on an IM session? That's not at all like a sister determing earning capacity based on where a guy works, right? Anywayz
golfdude (2:45:01 AM): situation
golfdude (2:45:47 AM): talk about what YOU do...I didn't hear you say anything about what YOU do..just you work in IT :-?
saga_30311 (2:45:57 AM): u never asked
golfdude (2:46:26 AM): dont' have to...if I told you the YOU should have automatically reciprocated if you are trying to establish some sort of "compatibility"
...and now I'm found 'wanting'. I would've gone off, but it would've been a waste of energy...
saga_30311 (2:47:29 AM): for the record, i'm a java developer, but I've also done graphic design & web development work
golfdude (2:47:48 AM): well XXXXX (note he managed to spell it wrong), i'm about to head out...i'm about to fall asleep at the keyboard....lol
golfdude (2:47:54 AM): cool...
saga_30311 (2:47:54 AM): u seem a lil, er - sensitive about the whole work issue
golfdude (2:47:58 AM): no
golfdude (2:48:02 AM): i'm not like that at all
golfdude (2:48:10 AM): but i do have my limits...
saga_30311 (2:48:13 AM): like u've dated one too many gold digger
golfdude (2:48:50 AM): no, i dont' date gold diggers
golfdude (2:49:04 AM): i just dont get into that line of questioning
saga_30311 (2:49:17 AM): er, yeah....riiiiiggghht
Note:: my sarcasm here eludes him...
golfdude (2:49:27 AM): of the where you work, how much you make, what do you drive, do you own your own home
saga_30311 (2:50:00 AM): ok, isn't that presumptuous?
golfdude (2:50:02 AM): to me initially its none of someone's business
....kinda like how many kids u have, where u live, and where you're from, right?
golfdude (2:50:08 AM): no...
golfdude (2:50:33 AM): cause fi you get that initial answer, you'll ask the others...
saga_30311 (2:50:54 AM): again, that's a false assumption
golfdude (2:50:54 AM): maybe not YOU, but it happens...just see it like this...I just dont' like discussing that stuff
...kthxbi...
saga_30311 (2:50:59 AM): ok
saga_30311 (2:51:02 AM): g'nite
Exception? Unfortunately no...unmarried dudes over 30 with this kinda paranoia aren't all that rare. I was just too damn tired to check him (but not too tired to blog about it...lol). Methinks it's time for some time off...
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Pay it Forward
Before I even begin, let me state for the record that This jem is not mine. I subscribe to this newsletter, Atlanta Lowdown, which will eventually also be found here and one of their writers, Kinetic wrote this, and it touched my heart. Haven't seen the movie, but the idea is moving, IMHO. If you're also feeling it - let Kinetic know. Here are Kinetic's thoughts (with his permission) about Paying it Forward this holiday season:
Pay it Forward
Back in 2000, a relatively obscure movie, featuring Haley Joel Osment (that creepy kid in “The Sixth Sense”), Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt in a bad wig came out. It was called “Pay It Forward.” I, along with most of America saw fit to wait to see this gem when I was trapped on a plane to some erstwhile destination. The thing is, the movie was really good – from the acting, to the concept developed in the plot. The principle idea of the movie being that people do something completely and utterly selfless for a complete stranger, with the only requirement of the beneficiary, being that they pass on some goodwill and/or good fortune to another complete stranger. The great part was that the nature of the act made it contagious. I think about this because of the holiday season.
Enough has been written about Christmas, (C)Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and even Festivus (for all you Seinfeld fans) about materialism and missing the true spirit of the season, so I won’t bore you, LD Fam with that kind of talk. This weekend, I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Bertice Berry speak about not only forgiving those that may have wronged you, but also going one step further and even blessing them in deed. Now, the dark side of Kinetic does make it quite hard to turn any cheek for the good of my soul or man, but somehow (maybe the season), the words resonated a little more this time. Taking it beyond that, I thought why not use the season to “pay it forward”, what ever “it” was. This includes the person that held the door for you, Jesus being born to give his life for you, or the bartender recognizing you without having to have your head on fire.
During this time of year, it’s easy to display generosity, primarily because you are doing it for the people you know, the liquor that got dropped in the egg nog (heads up to the Hennessey/Martel Fam reading this) and the fact that you have some pretty good idea that reciprocity is just a tree away. You even can work hard to find that perfect gift for a loved one, based on some obscure comment they’ve made or thing you know about them. My challenge to you is to figure out how to do something selfless on a much bigger scale than dropping dimes to the Salvation Army people, wherever they are allowed to stand this year. This is beyond the Hosea Help the Homeless, even though time spent there is worth your weight in platinum. Here is the level by which you can do this: think of doing something for yourself. Whatever that is, whether buying some really nice thing, spending private time – whatever – then, try to actually do something on that level for a complete stranger.
And once you do it – and this is key – keep it to yourself. The level of satisfaction that you’ll get from an unsolicited, undocumented act of confidence is enough to fuel all the homes in the SWATs for the Christmas season. We’ll all know when this kind of generosity, particularly in our community, becomes commonplace.
ok, now all of y'all go out & pay something. I'm out - I need to go get my true Holiday spirit out of layaway myself ;-)
Pay it Forward
Back in 2000, a relatively obscure movie, featuring Haley Joel Osment (that creepy kid in “The Sixth Sense”), Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt in a bad wig came out. It was called “Pay It Forward.” I, along with most of America saw fit to wait to see this gem when I was trapped on a plane to some erstwhile destination. The thing is, the movie was really good – from the acting, to the concept developed in the plot. The principle idea of the movie being that people do something completely and utterly selfless for a complete stranger, with the only requirement of the beneficiary, being that they pass on some goodwill and/or good fortune to another complete stranger. The great part was that the nature of the act made it contagious. I think about this because of the holiday season.
Enough has been written about Christmas, (C)Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and even Festivus (for all you Seinfeld fans) about materialism and missing the true spirit of the season, so I won’t bore you, LD Fam with that kind of talk. This weekend, I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Bertice Berry speak about not only forgiving those that may have wronged you, but also going one step further and even blessing them in deed. Now, the dark side of Kinetic does make it quite hard to turn any cheek for the good of my soul or man, but somehow (maybe the season), the words resonated a little more this time. Taking it beyond that, I thought why not use the season to “pay it forward”, what ever “it” was. This includes the person that held the door for you, Jesus being born to give his life for you, or the bartender recognizing you without having to have your head on fire.
During this time of year, it’s easy to display generosity, primarily because you are doing it for the people you know, the liquor that got dropped in the egg nog (heads up to the Hennessey/Martel Fam reading this) and the fact that you have some pretty good idea that reciprocity is just a tree away. You even can work hard to find that perfect gift for a loved one, based on some obscure comment they’ve made or thing you know about them. My challenge to you is to figure out how to do something selfless on a much bigger scale than dropping dimes to the Salvation Army people, wherever they are allowed to stand this year. This is beyond the Hosea Help the Homeless, even though time spent there is worth your weight in platinum. Here is the level by which you can do this: think of doing something for yourself. Whatever that is, whether buying some really nice thing, spending private time – whatever – then, try to actually do something on that level for a complete stranger.
And once you do it – and this is key – keep it to yourself. The level of satisfaction that you’ll get from an unsolicited, undocumented act of confidence is enough to fuel all the homes in the SWATs for the Christmas season. We’ll all know when this kind of generosity, particularly in our community, becomes commonplace.
ok, now all of y'all go out & pay something. I'm out - I need to go get my true Holiday spirit out of layaway myself ;-)
Monday, December 13, 2004
the weekend, chaotic
no, not that kinda chaos - my daughter silly - what were u thinking?
From kb's
Bakers Dozen c/o ej.
- anti-studied:: in anticipation of my remaining final, I watched reruns of Law & Order, and reality shows. I even squeezed in an episode of Drawn Together, which is almost illegal to watch - it's so hilariously un-PC. No cracking of books, no reviewing of notes. If I got an F, I surely earned it...
- ...took the final - wasn't bad...but again...I barely care. I did figure out why I'm apathetic though. My grad school is forcing incoming students to take some basic business courses, to ensure that we're all on the same page. The problem for me is that I did my undergrad at the SAME SCHOOL - so this is just a boring review for me (did this in undergrad) - that's involving WAY too much work. I mean, we did a group project, 45 page business analysis - got an A+, but I mean dayum - this course isn't even a full credit course. Too much work, for too little return. We're business school students - that's gotta be the first rule of business, to look out for the ROI...
- the chaos begins:: she called me during the finals, with free tickets to see Topdog, Underdog starring Kes Khemnu & Joe Wilson Jr. It was a powerful perfomance, and the critics called it 'horrific' - but it refers more to the disturbing nature of the play, than the performance. It was tight.
- Resisted the urge to jump all ova Kes Khemnu as he was leaving the theater. I love big teddy bear guys, and he's a big teddy bear hottie - even in sweats. I think I'll make him my new favorite hottie...dayum...izzat a ring I see glinting on his left hand? dayum.
- Dinner at City Garden with the Chaos, Shani and me - I love the way progressive sistas think, and my child, as well as her friends, are progressive. Very interesting convo about homebuying in Atlanta, community building & gentrification. It takes a village y'all...
- the chaos continues with Ocean's Four?:: we then meet Diva at the theater to catch Ocean's Twelve. It was cool - but no, I ain't giving out any spoilers.
- I run into one of Hammy's teachers on the way out, and we have a disturbing convo about his after-school program. The thing is: the daycare/afterschool care thing is a hustle just like any other hustle around, and some folks (school admins perhaps?) use this to their advantage. I may have to find Hammy another program.
- ...finally pass out around 12ish...just to get up early, make breakfast &...
- meet Chaos for househunting:: see, my baby knows me better than the realtor, my colleagues, and my friends. I show her the houses I'm considering, and she gives me the exact type of feedback I normally give out. She kicks a$$. I run the Chaos to death, until she has a headache. By now, I've got it narrowed down to 3 subdivisions.
- the chaos ends with...:: us (the Chaos, Hammy & I) having dinner , courtesy of the Chaos. Wow - it's been a year since we did family time just us 3. It felt good. Dayum good.
- get home late and find a note from the Evil Apartment Manager, dated 12/10 that we're being fumigated 12/13, and that all kitchen & bathroom cabinets need to be emptied, barring a fine. Great. I spend the next hour emptying & cleaning - I can't WAIT to buy my house...ugh.
- the pre-Holiday Office Party#2 prep:: I haven't mentioned Party#1 yet, have I? Hm..another post. Meanwhile, I'm making enough of the deadly mac & cheese to feed 30 people. Taking Hammy with me to this one, this should be interesting...
I'se exhausted - and Holiday Office Party#2 is this evening at the boss's crib, followed by Holiday Office Party#3 tomorrow afternoon. Lucy, you got some catchin' up to do...
On another note - I LOVE Chaos. Love her. She's hyper-intelligent, compassionate, beautiful, engaging, analytical, charming, empathetic, strongly convicted, an excellent judge of character - she's just the shiznit. Hm, I wonder where she gets it from....
Saturday, December 11, 2004
saga, cubed?
saga cubed is a scary thang.
Thanks to, lesseee: Trinity -> KB -> EJ / ToddKelley / Honey
...so barring the threat of death, here goes:
Three names you go by:
aight, go forth & meme...
Thanks to, lesseee: Trinity -> KB -> EJ / ToddKelley / Honey
...so barring the threat of death, here goes:
Three names you go by:
- Ms. L_______ (y'all ain't getting the last name)
- L______ (yes, my initials are LL, but y'all ain't getting the first name either)
- mommy
Three screennames you have:
- saga*30311 (insert either _, - or nothing for *)
- debaucherie (she's very bad)
- l_l______ (told ya, y'all ain't getting that...)
Three things you like about yourself:
- my sincerity
- my intelligence
- my passion
Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
- the body
- my sensitivity - sometimes too much
- my pack-rattiness: yes, this IS a word
Three parts of your heritage:
- african-american
- native-american
- WASP? the last name indicates English - you figure it out ;-)
Three things that scare you:
- ALL bugs - even ladybugs
- rodents
- mediocrity
Three of your everyday essentials:
- frou-frou tea/coffee
- this d^&% computer
- frou-frou body smell-goods
Three things you are wearing right now:
- nightgown
- diamond earrings
- a scunci - which means that the fashion police are looking for me...lol
Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):
- Jill Scott
- Nas
- Bilal
Three of your favorite songs at present:
- "New York" - Ja Rule, Fat Loe, Jadakiss
- "Green Eyes" - Erykah Badu
- "Free" - Jill Scott
Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
- Home ownership
- Financial empowerment
- Self-Employment
Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
- Honesty
- Passion
- Admiration
Two truths and a lie:
- I have a pretty decent fashion sense
- I have a terrible sweet tooth.
- I finished this on Friday like I was 'posed to.
Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:
- Broad shoulders
- Eyes
- long legs
Three things you just can't do:
- bowl. ever. period.
- eat chitlins (pig feet, tripe, mountain oysters - yech)
- play cards without second-guessing my play
Three of your favorite hobbies:
- sewing
- singing
- writing
Three things you want to do really badly right now:
- visit NY (Houston, LA, Chi, TO...)
- make out -& not make whoopee
- share a meal & interesting convo with E, EJ, Prime, Mia, Diva, SG, the Chaos, Karsh, Intellifreak, Elle, TBNY, Heru and the Indian hottie. It could happen...
Three careers you're considering:
- java warrior princess
- stylist/personal shopper/fashionista (police)
- professional layabout/homemaker
Three places you want to go on vacation:
- Puerto Rico
- Paris
- Africa
Three kids names: for either a boy or girl
- Jordan
- Christian(not 'cause of the religion)
- Brandon
Three things you want to do before you die:
- get married
- travel to Asia
- play on a beach with my grand-baby (not anytime soon mind you...)
Three people who have to take this quiz now or die painfully:
aight, go forth & meme...
Friday, December 10, 2004
making a list...
Yanno, normally I don't have a prob picking out unusual, unchosen yet ultimately completely desirable gifts for my loved ones, as well as giving them some choices for me as well. However, with the house hunt fully engulfing my brain, I'm having trouble. Hammy has more toys than I can adequately pick up on the reg, the Chaos is grown, outta the house, and piling her own chips - so she can't pick anything out - what's a chick to do?
So, this is my attempt to spark my (and subsequently Chaos') train of thought. Chaos - girl, you betta ask for something, or get nothing....
this is a prelim - I'll prollyadd more later edit according to your suggestions. your suggestions plz....? Oh, er - and if u need my sizes or the mail addy, just email me at saga at Yahoo(dot)com
So, this is my attempt to spark my (and subsequently Chaos') train of thought. Chaos - girl, you betta ask for something, or get nothing....
- I'd like to be delicious
- or say ah - at N'seya that is. The My Body 3 package (body polish, massage & seaweed wrap) would do me justice. Or even just the back treatment would work.
- or get some Stargazer lilies, mini-Calla lilies or an Orchid - just because
- a Cashmere sweater'd be nice: either cowlneck in melon,or drapeneck in ruby or the cashmere halter in winter white
- too pricey? how about the cashmere wrap in walnut?
- still too pricey? ok, the pashmina wrap then. i'm partial to the rasberry, but pick a color you want to see me in. And birthday suit color is NOT an option. dang, I'm giving y'all options - geez.
- the tiffany bracelet: I'd like the Etoile, but we can work something out ;-)
- Fran's Spiced Macadamia Clusters - nuff 'said
- pre-housewarming? a Pottery Barn or Crate and Barrel or West Elm Gift Card. I AM gonna get that house soon...
- sidekick, p910 or treo anyone?
diamondscash is a girl's best friend. specially when you know folks try to sub zirconia...lol- add some love to my DVD collection - via Amazon so I can stop running Ocean's 11 to death
- Seven Jeans for bootylicious girls? No, not those - these 7 jeans aren't for all mankind, but they are for me. Make mine dark denim please...
- ipod, or...?
this is a prelim - I'll prolly
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
one final down...
legal final was tonight - and it was thorough. My favorite class to date, and it kicked my a$$... am too wiped out to type...afjkapp afnakru9230qnf......
be back lata....
oh, and someone needs to send a sista some flowers...candy...liquor...smell-good...SUMTHING for knockin' that 9 page sucka out the box: saga at Yahoo (dot) com
be back lata....
oh, and someone needs to send a sista some flowers...candy...liquor...smell-good...SUMTHING for knockin' that 9 page sucka out the box: saga at Yahoo (dot) com
Monday, December 06, 2004
the weekend update: 12-6
From KB's
Bakers Dozen c/o ej.
you see a theme here?..study...vegetate...study...vegetate...subsequently saga is a dull & frustrated girl....hm...methinks I'll reduce the courseload next semester...
Bakers Dozen c/o ej.
- played hooky on Friday:: Frankly, being a single mom of a disabled child has those moments of excruciating stress - accompanied by the similarly leveled headache. I worked on school-related projects instead...
- skipped class:: I'm also over the grad school lust. I know I've whined about this before, but this problem is spiraling at this point. I'm just feeling put upon, lusting after a social life, and not wanting to bust my a$$ so my employer can ignore my efforts (they refuse to pay for grad school, and my raises have been negligible). I need to inspire myself to begin burning that candle at both ends again...
- touched base with JL instead of class:: This was overdue, but I'd been too busy to handle it. JL is FL's brother, my backup sitter, and repeated savior. He's intervened many times to resolve the child-support/visitation issue with FL, and he has also stepped in back-in-da-day to keep FL from trying to fly my head. I love him, even if we don't always see eye-to-eye...I feel an interracial dating jawn (the flip side of my diversity program) coming on...
- removed the pigs live here sign off of the sty. Now to clean it properly. I need a maid...
- more househunting...
- studied...and studied some more...and did some additional studying...
- rethought my dating diversity program:: entertained the thought of interracial/intercultural/intergenerational dating. If the brothers can date interracially/interculturally - women 10, 15, hell 20+ years younger - why can't we? Ok, maybe 20+ years is a bit much, but you hear me...
- hung out with Hammy:: my DS - we spent some quality time together, despite crappy weather and my finals.
the blogger meet-up:: 5 of us beautiful people show up (and a coupla beautiful friends), although 10 of us confirmed. Happy (of course) to get to meet the folks that showed in person - Thank You for stopping by & hanging out... but a lil salty at those who confirmed and didn't show. I can't even hate on those that replied that they wouldn't make it, but c'mon - where are the rest of y'all at? And Awesomebods - I understand that something terribly important came up - but how you gonna come up with the idea, and not show repeatedly?- more studying...
- ..vegetated briefly to get tuned up for The Wire.... wait..WHAT...WHAD'YA MEAN IT'LL RETURN NEXT WEEK, SO YOU CAN SHOW THE LIFE AND DEATH OF PETER SELLERS???!!!! IS SAGA GONNA HAVE TO CHOKE A BICH?
- ..more studying, more vegetation....
you see a theme here?..study...vegetate...study...vegetate...subsequently saga is a dull & frustrated girl....hm...methinks I'll reduce the courseload next semester...
Sunday, December 05, 2004
how saga (went about) getting her groove back...
lame title - but semi-apt. warning: long post
ok, so since Mia did it, and Diva did it, I'm trying to be open to online dating, again. So I updated/added profiles to blackpeoplemeet.com, blacksinglesconnection.com, etc. I like BPM, because it lets you seach all over the world, and frankly I don't think I'm gonna find a sympatico in GA.
So, outta the blue I get these IM's from this dude. 27 years old, and Indian - from the country, not Native American.
Wait, let me digress for a moment. I LOVE black men. Love them. Love the way they smell, walk, talk, think, dress, vibe, see the world, taste - just LOVE them. Platonically, semi-platonically, brotherly, sensually, sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally - LOVE them. I've never "dated" outside the race (I had the feva once, but never even carried that through...), and didn't really have the inclination to. Until I heard from this dude on BPM.
What's amazing about the whole thing (IMHO anyway):: Dude has game. There is no PC translation for that - he's got his mojo/mack/whatever you want to call it down. cold. look:
saga30311: that's cool
hipdudefromindia: lol we are in the same field
saga30311: lol
hipdudefromindia: many indian folks cannot
understand those who have ... grown out of the limitations and
look at other culture women
saga30311: yes, the ppl i work with....culture is very
important to them
hipdudefromindia: have u observed that?...
hipdudefromindia: yeah..but well u know for me ...
hipdudefromindia: i have grown over it ... its like I have made friends out of
the closed culture ... and i have been around white and
black people more than indians
saga30311: ok ... have u dated blk women b4?
hipdudefromindia: I actually was in a relationship
with a blk woman for 2 yrs
hipdudefromindia: i prefer blk women really
saga30311: really?
saga30311: why?
hipdudefromindia: I mean if i were to marry again, i
would marry a blk woman ... coz they are lovely ...
hipdudefromindia: they are more sensitive but
stronger
Wait...he "gets" that? And acknowledges that it's a positive thing? Ok, now he's got my full & undivided...
hipdudefromindia: they dont look down on other
cultures... on the other hand, its the other
cultures that has been bad to them
hipdudefromindia: but u know..if i find my woman in
the east coast. its definitely a plus
saga30311: ok - u want to move out here?
hipdudefromindia: sure...i would definitely
hipdudefromindia: if we click very much yes
hipdudefromindia: am i invited to the east coast?
saga30311: maybe...like u said if we click....
hipdudefromindia: lol i see a lot of caution in what u
say ..sure!
hipdudefromindia: i just want u to relax..dont put too
much thinking into the age thing or the culture thing
hipdudefromindia: u know what..we all live for just a
short time
hipdudefromindia: and most of the problems we face
are only in our imagination ... just see me as a man ... nothing else
Now that's a gangsta-a$$ Marcus Graham - 'I-can't-breathe-without-you'-line if I've ever heard it. Seriously. But it worked on Halle, and it's (at least)got me thinking. Carry on, Indian dude...
hipdudefromindia: do u love big ear rings..they look
so good on u ...nice
saga30311: and thank u
hipdudefromindia: i like a woman who knows to
dress well...not snobbish..but simple and
good
hipdudefromindia: hey and ur curly hair is charming...
hipdudefromindia: is it really curled or u curled it?
saga30311: actually....in that pic it's curly and nappy....
hipdudefromindia: lol ok
saga30311: r u familiar with nappy?
hipdudefromindia: no not really...teach me baby
Me, thinking: baby? dayum
saga30311: ok, u know how black women relax their
hair? I don't...my hair is in its natural texture...
saga30311: or sometimes press it straight
hipdudefromindia: thats cool...but its hard to comb right
saga30311: VERY hard...lol
hipdudefromindia: i could be ur hairdresser
saga30311: lol - u'd be scared to do my hair....it's
THICK
hipdudefromindia: i would love to...can give u a nice head massage
with shampoo...and then do ur hair
hipdudefromindia: i love these challenges..
Ok, this nailed it. I have this weakness about my hair...love playing in it, and love when other folks play in it and he just played with my emotions on this one.
I could go on, but you get the feeling. Charming, flattering, sensitive...saying all the right things.
Ok, so a 27 year old indian dude though? I'm rethinking my own personal diversity program...lol.
ok, so since Mia did it, and Diva did it, I'm trying to be open to online dating, again. So I updated/added profiles to blackpeoplemeet.com, blacksinglesconnection.com, etc. I like BPM, because it lets you seach all over the world, and frankly I don't think I'm gonna find a sympatico in GA.
So, outta the blue I get these IM's from this dude. 27 years old, and Indian - from the country, not Native American.
Wait, let me digress for a moment. I LOVE black men. Love them. Love the way they smell, walk, talk, think, dress, vibe, see the world, taste - just LOVE them. Platonically, semi-platonically, brotherly, sensually, sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally - LOVE them. I've never "dated" outside the race (I had the feva once, but never even carried that through...), and didn't really have the inclination to. Until I heard from this dude on BPM.
What's amazing about the whole thing (IMHO anyway):: Dude has game. There is no PC translation for that - he's got his mojo/mack/whatever you want to call it down. cold. look:
saga30311: that's cool
hipdudefromindia: lol we are in the same field
saga30311: lol
hipdudefromindia: many indian folks cannot
understand those who have ... grown out of the limitations and
look at other culture women
saga30311: yes, the ppl i work with....culture is very
important to them
hipdudefromindia: have u observed that?...
hipdudefromindia: yeah..but well u know for me ...
hipdudefromindia: i have grown over it ... its like I have made friends out of
the closed culture ... and i have been around white and
black people more than indians
saga30311: ok ... have u dated blk women b4?
hipdudefromindia: I actually was in a relationship
with a blk woman for 2 yrs
hipdudefromindia: i prefer blk women really
saga30311: really?
saga30311: why?
hipdudefromindia: I mean if i were to marry again, i
would marry a blk woman ... coz they are lovely ...
hipdudefromindia: they are more sensitive but
stronger
Wait...he "gets" that? And acknowledges that it's a positive thing? Ok, now he's got my full & undivided...
hipdudefromindia: they dont look down on other
cultures... on the other hand, its the other
cultures that has been bad to them
hipdudefromindia: but u know..if i find my woman in
the east coast. its definitely a plus
saga30311: ok - u want to move out here?
hipdudefromindia: sure...i would definitely
hipdudefromindia: if we click very much yes
hipdudefromindia: am i invited to the east coast?
saga30311: maybe...like u said if we click....
hipdudefromindia: lol i see a lot of caution in what u
say ..sure!
hipdudefromindia: i just want u to relax..dont put too
much thinking into the age thing or the culture thing
hipdudefromindia: u know what..we all live for just a
short time
hipdudefromindia: and most of the problems we face
are only in our imagination ... just see me as a man ... nothing else
Now that's a gangsta-a$$ Marcus Graham - 'I-can't-breathe-without-you'-line if I've ever heard it. Seriously. But it worked on Halle, and it's (at least)got me thinking. Carry on, Indian dude...
hipdudefromindia: do u love big ear rings..they look
so good on u ...nice
saga30311: and thank u
hipdudefromindia: i like a woman who knows to
dress well...not snobbish..but simple and
good
hipdudefromindia: hey and ur curly hair is charming...
hipdudefromindia: is it really curled or u curled it?
saga30311: actually....in that pic it's curly and nappy....
hipdudefromindia: lol ok
saga30311: r u familiar with nappy?
hipdudefromindia: no not really...teach me baby
Me, thinking: baby? dayum
saga30311: ok, u know how black women relax their
hair? I don't...my hair is in its natural texture...
saga30311: or sometimes press it straight
hipdudefromindia: thats cool...but its hard to comb right
saga30311: VERY hard...lol
hipdudefromindia: i could be ur hairdresser
saga30311: lol - u'd be scared to do my hair....it's
THICK
hipdudefromindia: i would love to...can give u a nice head massage
with shampoo...and then do ur hair
hipdudefromindia: i love these challenges..
Ok, this nailed it. I have this weakness about my hair...love playing in it, and love when other folks play in it and he just played with my emotions on this one.
I could go on, but you get the feeling. Charming, flattering, sensitive...saying all the right things.
Ok, so a 27 year old indian dude though? I'm rethinking my own personal diversity program...lol.
Friday, December 03, 2004
the Atlanta Black Bloggers Meet...
ok, so I MEANT to post this, I dunno - 2 WEEKS AGO???? sheesh, I swear grad school is eroding my brain matter...
So, we're having a meet-up of the Atlanta Black Bloggers...(anyone is welcome...this originated from awesomebod's similarly named mailing list....)
Here's the information (pic's linked, but it may/may not work)::
If anyone wants to be added to the invite, needs more information, etc - hit me at saga_30311@yahoo.com
Pictures WILL BE TAKEN - so start the beautification process!
So, we're having a meet-up of the Atlanta Black Bloggers...(anyone is welcome...this originated from awesomebod's similarly named mailing list....)
Here's the information (pic's linked, but it may/may not work)::
Black Bloggers Meet-up
From: saga_30311
Location: Javaology
466 Edgewood Avenue,Atlanta,GA View Map
When: Sunday, December 5, 3:00pm
Phone: 404.223.3202 Javaology's number
Love to blog? Love to chat? Love Java? Then what better way to do all the things you love, than to meet-up!
We're going to try to get all the Black Bloggers of Atlanta together again, same time, same location - different day. Sunday, December 5th (after the Tryptophan has worn off, but before the holiday rush begins) come, meet & greet your fellow blogfolks at Javaology, at the corner of Edgewood & Boulevard. Bring your brain, bring your blog, bring your blog-friends, but mostly bring your beautiful self ;-)
p.s. Please add any Bloggers not shown on the list - Thanks!
p.p.s. Pictures WILL BE TAKEN - so start the beautification process as necessary...lol.
From: saga_30311
Location: Javaology
466 Edgewood Avenue,Atlanta,GA View Map
When: Sunday, December 5, 3:00pm
Phone: 404.223.3202 Javaology's number
Love to blog? Love to chat? Love Java? Then what better way to do all the things you love, than to meet-up!
We're going to try to get all the Black Bloggers of Atlanta together again, same time, same location - different day. Sunday, December 5th (after the Tryptophan has worn off, but before the holiday rush begins) come, meet & greet your fellow blogfolks at Javaology, at the corner of Edgewood & Boulevard. Bring your brain, bring your blog, bring your blog-friends, but mostly bring your beautiful self ;-)
p.s. Please add any Bloggers not shown on the list - Thanks!
p.p.s. Pictures WILL BE TAKEN - so start the beautification process as necessary...lol.
If anyone wants to be added to the invite, needs more information, etc - hit me at saga_30311@yahoo.com
Pictures WILL BE TAKEN - so start the beautification process!
Thursday, December 02, 2004
horizontal sweat...
i hesitated to write this in the wake of World Aids Day 
..but after considering this repeatedly, thought it was more than appropriate...
two bodies, intertwined, wet with sweat, chocolatey skin against chocolatey skin, rubbing, grinding, stroking, glistening against candlelight, no delineation between where one ends, and the other begins...
a sista is horny, yes. but also hungry for something more.
about a week ago, i tried to muster up some lust for someone. dialed thru my mental rolodex - nothing. scrolled thru some "popular images", trying to create some tension in the nether regions...
morris chestnut? uhn-uhn
boris kudjoe? nope - nothing
taye diggs? michael vick? allen rossum? d'angelo? ghostface killah? no
chi mcbride (who bears a strong resemblance to JC)? not even a quiver...
resigned, i figured I'd hit an it's Pat/Chris moment in my life, and that with my busy schedule that was normal. Renouncing the idea of the maintenance dude, and considering celibacy (or at least rechargeable batteries & a new 404 Girls video) as a viable option.
on another note, them chicks fronting like they're new to the game is really annoying in light of how quickly they end up having every orifice available filled, ok? but i digress...
Celibacy Now!...well, until Mia and Diva both turned up with boyfriends? that they met online? They're both beautiful, but I've had enuff of internet dating to last a lifetime.
until i met heru. And rethought the process.
see, what I'm hungry/horny for is not sex. not in the strictest sense. i miss intimacy. i-n-t-i-m-a-c-y. see, most people can neither distinguish nor draw similarities between the two, so let me tell u what it means to me.
it means long, slow kisses that last three days. it means breakfast, lunch, dinner, then maybe breakfast again, in bed. it means sending me wildflowers (not roses) just because i like them. it means cooking u spinach saute, because i know u like it. it means...
i like the taste of ur sweat-drenched skin, because i like u.
and we don't run to the bathroom 1st thing in the morning, because we know what kinda dragon breath each other has in the morning. we've smelled that before, remember. my bedhead is cute on me, and ur wrinkled clothes look perfect on u. it means ur thinking gets me hott, and my compassion turns u on. it means butterflies in pit of stomach, and lumps in throat. just because.
there was a time, when i was deeply in love with someone, before JC, and the FL drama, that I was in love with Sadat, and he was in love with me, that I was addicted to the smell of his armpits. i mean, he was much taller than i, so chances are when we slept together, i'd end up nose to pit in the morning. they never smelled bad to me, and even after him playing basketball - i'd love that smell. that's what it means to me...
it means that we have safe, passionate, unbridled, freaky a$$ sex, because that intense, drawn out orgasmic moment, drawn long and stretched over time as long as possible, when ugly faces are made, and our control is totally lost, is more important than me getting mine, before you get yours. the sum is greater than the individual parts.
it means building...more than an encounter...more than an episode...more than the immediacy of our selfish needs...it means investing enough time and effort to get to know a person to create anticipatory tension that makes u want.....more....
and for any brother that's trying to get at me, reading this, thinking "that's one freaky a$$ chick"...i get a lot damn freakier with time. trust me. oh that is SO sincere, but again i digress..
i am hungry for that, that more...wanting to connect with someone on more than a superficial level, for more than a day, or a long, drawn out one-night stand. i want to be in like.
...i want chocolatey, horizontal sweat...
..but after considering this repeatedly, thought it was more than appropriate...
two bodies, intertwined, wet with sweat, chocolatey skin against chocolatey skin, rubbing, grinding, stroking, glistening against candlelight, no delineation between where one ends, and the other begins...
a sista is horny, yes. but also hungry for something more.
about a week ago, i tried to muster up some lust for someone. dialed thru my mental rolodex - nothing. scrolled thru some "popular images", trying to create some tension in the nether regions...
morris chestnut? uhn-uhn
boris kudjoe? nope - nothing
taye diggs? michael vick? allen rossum? d'angelo? ghostface killah? no
chi mcbride (who bears a strong resemblance to JC)? not even a quiver...
resigned, i figured I'd hit an it's Pat/Chris moment in my life, and that with my busy schedule that was normal. Renouncing the idea of the maintenance dude, and considering celibacy (or at least rechargeable batteries & a new 404 Girls video) as a viable option.
on another note, them chicks fronting like they're new to the game is really annoying in light of how quickly they end up having every orifice available filled, ok? but i digress...
Celibacy Now!...well, until Mia and Diva both turned up with boyfriends? that they met online? They're both beautiful, but I've had enuff of internet dating to last a lifetime.
until i met heru. And rethought the process.
see, what I'm hungry/horny for is not sex. not in the strictest sense. i miss intimacy. i-n-t-i-m-a-c-y. see, most people can neither distinguish nor draw similarities between the two, so let me tell u what it means to me.
it means long, slow kisses that last three days. it means breakfast, lunch, dinner, then maybe breakfast again, in bed. it means sending me wildflowers (not roses) just because i like them. it means cooking u spinach saute, because i know u like it. it means...
i like the taste of ur sweat-drenched skin, because i like u.
and we don't run to the bathroom 1st thing in the morning, because we know what kinda dragon breath each other has in the morning. we've smelled that before, remember. my bedhead is cute on me, and ur wrinkled clothes look perfect on u. it means ur thinking gets me hott, and my compassion turns u on. it means butterflies in pit of stomach, and lumps in throat. just because.
there was a time, when i was deeply in love with someone, before JC, and the FL drama, that I was in love with Sadat, and he was in love with me, that I was addicted to the smell of his armpits. i mean, he was much taller than i, so chances are when we slept together, i'd end up nose to pit in the morning. they never smelled bad to me, and even after him playing basketball - i'd love that smell. that's what it means to me...
it means that we have safe, passionate, unbridled, freaky a$$ sex, because that intense, drawn out orgasmic moment, drawn long and stretched over time as long as possible, when ugly faces are made, and our control is totally lost, is more important than me getting mine, before you get yours. the sum is greater than the individual parts.
it means building...more than an encounter...more than an episode...more than the immediacy of our selfish needs...it means investing enough time and effort to get to know a person to create anticipatory tension that makes u want.....more....
and for any brother that's trying to get at me, reading this, thinking "that's one freaky a$$ chick"...i get a lot damn freakier with time. trust me. oh that is SO sincere, but again i digress..
i am hungry for that, that more...wanting to connect with someone on more than a superficial level, for more than a day, or a long, drawn out one-night stand. i want to be in like.
...i want chocolatey, horizontal sweat...
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
World Aids Day, 2004
I would've loved to write my own personal story about this subject, but frankly I don't have one. However, the people listed below all do. Their stories are brave, touching, full of fire, and very important. Take a second & read one (actually, read several). Then ask yourself, what are you going to do.
Maurice Cherry's World AIDS Day.
BGB's Link, And Think. And Rethink.
Bejata's Women, Girls, HIV, and AIDS.
Bejata's Free to Be Me With HIV.
Rachel's World AIDS Day.
Keith Boykin's My Fire Shall Bring Life.
Anitra's World AIDS Day.
*Please note. Link And Think's site has not updated this year. For more information about today, check out World AIDS Day dot Org and Light to Unite.
..and again, ej - thanks. I'm out...I need to do, sumthin'...
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
the hip-hop jawn...
this one's for ej
...yeah, I also used to love her...
"I met this girl, when I was ten years old
And what I loved most she had so much soul
She was old school, when I was just a shorty
Never knew throughout my life she would be there for me..."
but nah, we not gon do that again...Sanaa did it so well, there's no reason to revisit that (y'all know that's my favorite movie of all time)...
so, in honor of me reinstating my hip-hop card, my tribute...
when did I fall in love with hip-hop? When I was 11 years old, and a white girl listening to Peter Frampton, and lusting after Sean Cassidy. My cousins moved into my neighborhood, and took on the mission of remaking me into my black image. So, we found ourselves, Juneteenth, 1977, at a street party at Humboldt Park, facing two sets of mammoth speakers, two turntables, the mixer and One DJ. Before I even realized what was about to happen, sound came blasting outta those speakers, pushing my wig back, like no sounds I'd ever heard before...
the drumline first:: ba-da-doomp-doomp-doomp....doomp-da-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-du...doomp...doomp...doomp...doomp-da-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp...
then the lyrics..."Good times, these are the good times.....leave your cares be-hind..."
da hell? my brain was w-i-d-e-open, and the beat so infectious, I couldn't help attempt to dance, although my cousins had to school me on the NY Freak, since (being a white girl) I had no rhythm to speak of. Not for long, because we spent the whole summer working it out, ok? Street parties, 2 turntables, and the DJ (this was before there was a need for MC's). Oh yeah - and the beat...
the same beat, that would make ya nod ya head, involuntarily. With the first few bars of Jeru tha Damaja's "Come Clean", Mobb Deep's "Shook Ones", ODB's "Brooklyn Zoo", Wu-Tang Clan's "M.E.T.H.O.D. Man", Biggie's "Party & Bullshyt"...I mean, I can go on, but that feeling? Nothing even approaches it. The head nods before the body is even fully aware of it, before the lyrics are recognized, before any of this registers in your consciousness. The head nods, and you know...you know that this record? Classic - that's what hip-hop is to me, and that's why I fell in love with it. Can't sleep on the lyrics, but that's icing & creme filling in the cake...and
wait, I can't front....there have been lyrics that have made me howl like a banshee, that "OOOooooo-weeeee" 'cause what he just said is so f%^&$in' nasty...stop playin...
"Number four: know you heard this before
Never get high, on your own supply
Number five: never sell no crack where you rest at
I don't care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce
Number six: that god damn credit, dead it
You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget it..."
okokok, we can debate who was the nastiest, but still...the lyrics were hot, but they always followed the beat...
I haven't felt like that in years - literally probably since the Fugees dropped "The Score", another classic if only for "Ready or Not", but also the beginning of my Neo-Soul Era. I lost my ear for "rap" and gained it for Erykah, Jilly, D'Angelo, Lauryn, Bilal, The Roots, Common, Mos Def - all still "hip-hop", but also jazz, & R&B, & rock but not the strictest definition of rap...I stopped listening to the lyrics & the beat, and fell in love with the voices, & the music, the Earl Klugh samples, the Jessica Care Moore spoken words...hell, I gladly turned in my hip-hop fan card, stopped playing "Name that Sample", and openly showed my disdain for the "Bling-Bling" phase of the game...Lil Wayne, Master P, Cash Money Click, Ja Rule...all y'all can pucker up & kiss my...I was done....
...until I heard the words...
"I gotta hunnert gunz, a hunnert clips....n*%%# I'm from New Yawk...."
me, my brain sprung on hip-hop:: da Hell? Noooooo, not Ja, freaking that beat...nooooo...wait, that shyt is nasty....and ay-yo, the lyrics are kinda nasty too...oh daaaammmmnnnn, Fat Joe did not just say "n*%%#'s think hepicked up Biggie's found Big Pun's Rhyme book"..lmao. Oh wait - Jada? On some ole "f&*% what ya thought"? Stop playin - I gotta get dat....
These same blingy-fuckas got me w-i-d-e open again. Fabolous' "Breathe", Ja Rule's "New York", Snoop's "Drop it Like It's Hot", even (dare I say it) Ashanti's "Only You" (I'm real serious here when I say the production on that joint is ridiculous - Ashanti could be singing "I eat shyt" off-key over that track, and I'd still be howling "OOOoooooo-weeeeee".
I'm snatching my hip-hop card back - yo, gimme that shyt. It ain't over, fuckas....
"I burned these hot new tracks & shyt, nigga I'm from New York....."
ETA:: Damn, I just got the friggin hip-hop card back - I'mma get that bitch revoked f&*$in up Fat Joe's lyrics like that, sheesh...
...yeah, I also used to love her...
"I met this girl, when I was ten years old
And what I loved most she had so much soul
She was old school, when I was just a shorty
Never knew throughout my life she would be there for me..."
but nah, we not gon do that again...Sanaa did it so well, there's no reason to revisit that (y'all know that's my favorite movie of all time)...
so, in honor of me reinstating my hip-hop card, my tribute...
when did I fall in love with hip-hop? When I was 11 years old, and a white girl listening to Peter Frampton, and lusting after Sean Cassidy. My cousins moved into my neighborhood, and took on the mission of remaking me into my black image. So, we found ourselves, Juneteenth, 1977, at a street party at Humboldt Park, facing two sets of mammoth speakers, two turntables, the mixer and One DJ. Before I even realized what was about to happen, sound came blasting outta those speakers, pushing my wig back, like no sounds I'd ever heard before...
the drumline first:: ba-da-doomp-doomp-doomp....doomp-da-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-du...doomp...doomp...doomp...doomp-da-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp-doomp...
then the lyrics..."Good times, these are the good times.....leave your cares be-hind..."
da hell? my brain was w-i-d-e-open, and the beat so infectious, I couldn't help attempt to dance, although my cousins had to school me on the NY Freak, since (being a white girl) I had no rhythm to speak of. Not for long, because we spent the whole summer working it out, ok? Street parties, 2 turntables, and the DJ (this was before there was a need for MC's). Oh yeah - and the beat...
the same beat, that would make ya nod ya head, involuntarily. With the first few bars of Jeru tha Damaja's "Come Clean", Mobb Deep's "Shook Ones", ODB's "Brooklyn Zoo", Wu-Tang Clan's "M.E.T.H.O.D. Man", Biggie's "Party & Bullshyt"...I mean, I can go on, but that feeling? Nothing even approaches it. The head nods before the body is even fully aware of it, before the lyrics are recognized, before any of this registers in your consciousness. The head nods, and you know...you know that this record? Classic - that's what hip-hop is to me, and that's why I fell in love with it. Can't sleep on the lyrics, but that's icing & creme filling in the cake...and
wait, I can't front....there have been lyrics that have made me howl like a banshee, that "OOOooooo-weeeee" 'cause what he just said is so f%^&$in' nasty...stop playin...
"Number four: know you heard this before
Never get high, on your own supply
Number five: never sell no crack where you rest at
I don't care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce
Number six: that god damn credit, dead it
You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget it..."
okokok, we can debate who was the nastiest, but still...the lyrics were hot, but they always followed the beat...
I haven't felt like that in years - literally probably since the Fugees dropped "The Score", another classic if only for "Ready or Not", but also the beginning of my Neo-Soul Era. I lost my ear for "rap" and gained it for Erykah, Jilly, D'Angelo, Lauryn, Bilal, The Roots, Common, Mos Def - all still "hip-hop", but also jazz, & R&B, & rock but not the strictest definition of rap...I stopped listening to the lyrics & the beat, and fell in love with the voices, & the music, the Earl Klugh samples, the Jessica Care Moore spoken words...hell, I gladly turned in my hip-hop fan card, stopped playing "Name that Sample", and openly showed my disdain for the "Bling-Bling" phase of the game...Lil Wayne, Master P, Cash Money Click, Ja Rule...all y'all can pucker up & kiss my...I was done....
...until I heard the words...
"I gotta hunnert gunz, a hunnert clips....n*%%# I'm from New Yawk...."
me, my brain sprung on hip-hop:: da Hell? Noooooo, not Ja, freaking that beat...nooooo...wait, that shyt is nasty....and ay-yo, the lyrics are kinda nasty too...oh daaaammmmnnnn, Fat Joe did not just say "n*%%#'s think he
These same blingy-fuckas got me w-i-d-e open again. Fabolous' "Breathe", Ja Rule's "New York", Snoop's "Drop it Like It's Hot", even (dare I say it) Ashanti's "Only You" (I'm real serious here when I say the production on that joint is ridiculous - Ashanti could be singing "I eat shyt" off-key over that track, and I'd still be howling "OOOoooooo-weeeeee".
I'm snatching my hip-hop card back - yo, gimme that shyt. It ain't over, fuckas....
"I burned these hot new tracks & shyt, nigga I'm from New York....."
ETA:: Damn, I just got the friggin hip-hop card back - I'mma get that bitch revoked f&*$in up Fat Joe's lyrics like that, sheesh...
Monday, November 29, 2004
the long weekend baker's dozen
I'm putting it in early y'all - you know anytime there's a holiday, the Monday workday ends up being dumb long...
from l to r:: C.H.A.D., Hammy, the Truth, the Chaos (on the floor), "E" and lil ole me in pink. Yes, my camera is bootleg, and the pic is blurry - I know.
from l to r:: C.H.A.D., Hammy, the Truth, the Chaos (on the floor), "E" and lil ole me in pink. Yes, my camera is bootleg, and the pic is blurry - I know.
- the long weekend baker's dozen - from KB's Baker's Dozen
- Wednesday - The gig gives us a "Get Outta Jail Early" card, so I'm home before sunset - sweet.
- Turkey day at Chaos & Truth's house:: After a hard day of protest marching, the Chaos still pulled the meal off, and it was banging. More importantly, I got a chance to hang with her new fam - her SO (the Truth), his bro (C.H.A.D.), my best friend E, and my son Hammy (all names have been changed to protect the guilty).
- the Black Friday shopping trip:: yes, Virginia, I did do a lil shopping. We went to the N. GA premium outlets, and I got some hot Pumas ;-) Ok, so I spent all my $ on me & Hammy...i still gotta few weeks before X-mas...
- We, meaning E & myself went shopping, and politicking along the way....
- Was Bill Cosby right?:: just one of the topics at hand, along with the state of the African-american community, what we need to do to move forward, dating in the 2000's, marriage as a viable way to rebuild the community, the influence that the freelove 60's, swinging 70's, the crack game, Reagonomics, and the current politricks have had on the current state of the community; you get the drift. Food for thought indeed.
- The preliminary house hunt:: Fee (ex-coworker) hipped me to some new development, so I rolled through - not bad.
- The REAL house hunt:: The realtor & I got together Saturday, and the real hunt began. I've gotta list the pros & cons & decide what I really want. See, right now I'm not willing to trade off my bedroom fireplace for a deck, soooo...
- the dating jawn preview:: Update my onling profiles, and I'm getting hit on by brothas e'erywhere - including Nigeria? Glad they appreciate me, but I need some luvin here in the US, preferably in GA...can u say frequent flier miles? Why I gotta click with brothers anywhere BUT here...?
- The All-day Sucka:: a paper that it literally took me all day to write. Just finished it about an hour ago, and I don't wanna think about it anymore...wait, what d'ya mean I gotta edit it...?
- JC, the remixx:: so, I cook a post-Thanksgiving meal, and take half to E. No sooner should I walk in the door, then JC calls, and tries to clown me. Only shiesty brothers try to attack male best friends...
- The Wire:: is it the jump off? nah, not yet, but soon...
- I reinstate my hip-hop card:: more on that later. Quick & dirty - I miss Northern music AND Northern men
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
The Thanksgiving jawn - Questions, NE1?
So, it's Turkey time! I don't know about y'all, but I am SO looking forward to entering a tryptophan-induced coma I'm beside myself. So in honor of the upcoming holiday - Questions, Courtesy of Chick Chat:
Thanksgiving...
The best part of this year's Thanksgiving Celebration though? I'M NOT COOKING!!!! WOO-HOO!!! <singing> It's party time, whoa it's party time...having a party...uh-c'mon!<end singing>
Note: if you can name the song that lyric is from, and the artist - I'll send you a Platinum Hip-Hop Fan Hall of Fame card ;-)
But back on topic - The Chaos is having the festivities at her crib. For those who don't know, the Chaos is my 20-yr old baby. My admission price? My momma's famous Mac & Cheese. This recipe is dangerous. It has broken up families, as the men of other households passed up firsts of their wives mac & cheese for seconds of mom's. Fights have broken out over the last corner of the pan, and one of my friends called me to complain that her brother ate a half a pan of it for breakfast one morning - cold.
So, a couple pans of the dangerous mac & cheese, and I don't have to clean the kitchen after the thanksgiving hurricane? No prob - it's so ON!
Ok, post your answers, or add some questions - or have a turkey sammich with me!
Thanksgiving...
- Is It Really All About The Bird?: Er, it's 50% bird, 40% side dishes, and 10% dessert.
- Plain Mashed Potato's or With Gravy?: taters, smaters - give me the dressing, moist, with a side of gravy...yum.
- White Meat or Dark Meat?: depends. MY turkey is ALWAYS moist - so anything goes. However, my Aunt Lucille's dry-a$$ turkey? You'd be lucky to choke down a thigh smothered in gravy. Matter of fact, just give me some ham instead...
- Apple Pie or Pumpkin Pie?: okokok - I did NOT make up this list. Again, no question I gotta go off the list - SWEET POTATO. Or how's about Piccadilly's Red Velvet Cake? Yes, I know about their Special Collard Greens, but no one makes red velvet cake like Piccadilly - NO ONE. ok, now that I think about it - maybe I can make it myself...blech.
- Green Bean Casserole A Do or A Don't?: Hell to the naw - don't even think about it - HUGE don't. Now, Broccoli Casserole is a different story...
The best part of this year's Thanksgiving Celebration though? I'M NOT COOKING!!!! WOO-HOO!!! <singing> It's party time, whoa it's party time...having a party...uh-c'mon!<end singing>
Note: if you can name the song that lyric is from, and the artist - I'll send you a Platinum Hip-Hop Fan Hall of Fame card ;-)
But back on topic - The Chaos is having the festivities at her crib. For those who don't know, the Chaos is my 20-yr old baby. My admission price? My momma's famous Mac & Cheese. This recipe is dangerous. It has broken up families, as the men of other households passed up firsts of their wives mac & cheese for seconds of mom's. Fights have broken out over the last corner of the pan, and one of my friends called me to complain that her brother ate a half a pan of it for breakfast one morning - cold.
So, a couple pans of the dangerous mac & cheese, and I don't have to clean the kitchen after the thanksgiving hurricane? No prob - it's so ON!
Ok, post your answers, or add some questions - or have a turkey sammich with me!
Monday, November 22, 2004
weekend update - the baker's dozen
Baker's Dozen: a golden weekend. From KB's
Bakers Dozen.
Overall, I'm exhausted...was up til 4am washing the cigar smoke outta my hair, and then spent the morning reconnecting with an old friend. Overall, it was definitely one of them golden ones...
eta:: oh yeah, Anthony David was at Javaology during the Black Blogger meetup too...love his music, btw...
Bakers Dozen.
- SG b-day jumpoff @ Churchill Grounds:: perfect 4 the cigar & cognac crowd, and a very nice start, where Mia & I met...
- Z, the jr arms dealer::ok, he says he's a pedicatrician, but he's all of 22. Yeah, right.
- the Black Amex?:: another attendee spots the legendary Centurion when Z, and his boys Z & Ali buy us a double-round. So Z, where did u say u were staying, again?
- the crowd:: SG, and his ONE boy, and a gang of 15 beautiful women, of varying sexual orientation. Hm, I'm sensing a set-up here by SG...
- the after-party:: E calls me away from the hotel lobby, needing a ride to work, which ends up (methinks) being a bail-out
- the hang-over:: actually, I head to class still a lil tipsy, and actually understand (fer a change) what da hell my prof is talking about.
- try to study, and recover, for...
- SG b-day party, part deaux:: and there's PORN on a big screen? i'm an open-minded person, and to each her own, but this is too much for even me.
- ...the spread is cool, music is nice, and the drinks are flowing though, however...
- the crowd:: SG, and his FOUR boys, and a gang of 15+ beautiful women (and climbing), of varying sexual orientation. Hm, I'm sensing a theme here...
- the kicker:: when one sista comments that the actress on the big screen is doing a "much more thorough job than she did in that last movie?", I'm done. I'm out before the party REALLY jumps off.
- the Black Blogger meetup:: I get to meet EJ of ejflavors in person. I'm SO glad, he's very cool, and has the most beautiful eyes. But he's also blogwise, and gives me some hints, like starting my own Bloglines. We agree to meetup again...
Overall, I'm exhausted...was up til 4am washing the cigar smoke outta my hair, and then spent the morning reconnecting with an old friend. Overall, it was definitely one of them golden ones...
eta:: oh yeah, Anthony David was at Javaology during the Black Blogger meetup too...love his music, btw...
Thursday, November 18, 2004
that moment
If
I
had
Known
That it would
Be the ending of
Our friendship and not
The beginning of something else
I would never have should
never have acquiesced
and I wish I could
take it back
but I
can’t
can
I
?
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
the grad school mood is...
tired.
period.
I mean, I know I'm the last of a dying breed - a programmer. If you believe the reports, the days of the U.S. programmer are numbered.
So the MBA plan:: combine the IT skills, my management experience - do some consulting work, leverage both into project management position. You get the drill.
I've lost the lust for school, though.
The candle isn't just burned at both ends - it's melted.
...headed for bed, ma head hurtz...
period.
I mean, I know I'm the last of a dying breed - a programmer. If you believe the reports, the days of the U.S. programmer are numbered.
So the MBA plan:: combine the IT skills, my management experience - do some consulting work, leverage both into project management position. You get the drill.
I've lost the lust for school, though.
The candle isn't just burned at both ends - it's melted.
...headed for bed, ma head hurtz...
Monday, November 15, 2004
weekend update
I ripped this from Off Cloud 9 - Karsh's blog - thanx Karsh for the inspiration.
So, here's the rundown (can I come up with 12? sheesh...)
BTW, if y'all saw what happened after Stringer finally let Avon get up - Holla at Ya Girl, please!
So, here's the rundown (can I come up with 12? sheesh...)
- Sale at LB, so I polished off the Churchill Grounds outfit for Friday, and also managed to sweat out my press during work. 1/2 fro, 1/2 press is not a hot look for me.
- Another class bites the dust. The Marketing class, of the gold stars & bonus points for attendance is outta here - dropped it like it's hot. As an aside, I'm completely bored in my classes...
- Played hooky, and pressed my hair, and cleaned house to prep for...
- DS's social event of the week - his classmate's Spongebob b-day party. Only the classmate's mom couldn't afford Spongebob. And a tree tipped over & knocked out her power. Not that that stopped the kids from having fun - we danced to our own songs, and butterfly candlelight until the DS passed out.
- Interesting convo w/ another mom at the party. Her, seeing the ride, the hair, the gear, thinking I have always had some $$$. Me, feeling her being a transplant like me, struggling like I did, kicking herself over spilt milk. We agreed, all it takes is a plan...we exchanged numbers, and hopes for the future. I hope we get a chance to hang out again.
- Breakfast with Eon:: had to add emphasis, because this is my FAM, and we rarely have a chance to hang these days. Breakfast @ my spot, overindulging in enuff hash browns, and cheese eggs to put down a wild boar. Meanwhile, the convo, touching on politricks, whether the revolution is being televised, how the fate of the AA community rests on our (as indvs) ability to build, educational & economic empowerment, the merits of marriage, the damage that the free-love 60's and swinging 70's have done to the AA community, the lack of recovery from those eras due to Reagonomics and the crack epidemic, where/how do we go from here, relationships, sex, *dead*. I wish y'all were there - we prolly have forgotten more already, than we typically discuss with our friends the rest of the month. I love that dude SO MUCH.
- Debated creating a meetup - Coffee & Conversation - inviting other like-minded folks to join in our debates. E says the problem ain't finding folks - it's finding like-minded folks. I'm still toying with the idea.
- Half-a$$ house-hunting. I wasn't gonna post about this, but any advice from Atliens might be helpful. I drove around, came across Cascade Parc (slated to begin construction Jan, 2005). I'll post about this later, but if anyone has leads on intown living for reasonable $$$ - HOLLA!!!
- Toyed with the idea of online dating again - and, er NO. It ain't for me. I've been dealing with too many knuckle-heads I've met online for too long - no more settling for BS.
- LOL - checked myself about the relationship, dating thing. Was chatting with BSG, doling out some self-righteous sage advice, and thought - duh, you need to practice what u preach. It's time for a new position. So long blackfolksgetdeygrooveon.com, hello Starbuck's, Whiskey Peach, Soul Fusion, Live Poet's events, the High, et al. Real Life Social Life, NE1?
- Talked to JC - totally unsatisfying as usual. He's been MIA for about 3 weeks now. Oh well. I'm expecting some negativity behind this comment...lol.
- New episode of The Wire, and it's the pre-Set-Shyt-Off, episode. Note:: spoiler follows. Stringer & Avon go at it, Stringer did D'Angelo (had him done rather). MAN. I missed the last 2 minutes reeling from the news. I can't take it. I LOVE this show.
BTW, if y'all saw what happened after Stringer finally let Avon get up - Holla at Ya Girl, please!
Friday, November 12, 2004
about that guillotine...
Ok, so I gave y'all the setup, but just in case ya missed it - work, the intro.
There was a reason why I used this phrase: pulled out the guillotine and cut the head off a long-time-but-not-yet-qualified-for-retirement-benefits employee. That employee called me this evening.
The situation: I work in an IT department, consisting of mainly Programmers, Quality Assurance Analysts, Business Analysts (technical writers), etc. So, this employee was formerly a programmer. To make the long story short, he transferred in to my department from a location in another city. He'd been with the company 6 yrs, needed 4 to retire, and has 2 boys in college that are benefiting from company-sponsored scholarships.
SO...w/in say 2 months of transferring into our department, it becomes apparent that there's a problem. A disconnect. This dude is having problems programming. For the über-geeky, his background is in C, on mainframes, and we're a strictly Java shop.
They try to work with the guy, classes, tutorials, one-on-one mentoring. It ain't working - he's not getting it. For about 6-7 months, not only is he not getting it, but slowly it's apparent - this kid ain't that geeky. Lil simple things come up - how to change your browser settings, how to edit your host settings, how to ping a server - nothing. He's a bit clueless. I attribute it to him working on mainframes, but still - it looks bad.
Well, it was worse than we all thought. After one less-than-stellar-performing employee asked & got x-ferred to another group, and this guy's performance evaluation comes out bad - this guy thinks maybe he needs to make a change. He approaches management to x-fer to a less technical position.
So far, the whole thing, seems, well - reasonable. He's provided the company with some kinda value for 6 years, and his sincere intention is to continue to provide value.
Here's where the guillotine comes out.
His boss dodges the bullet - goes on vacation before they can address his problem.
Then, the department head - who for all intents & purposes is a pretty mild-mannered guy - turns into a shark. Not only do they say no to the x-fer, but they give him an ultimatum: Learn Java or Die! Okokok, it wasn't THAT deep. But it was Learn Java & improve your performance eval, or get fired.
Now, the sneaky part. They tell the guy verbally that if he resigns he's eligible for unemployment. But if he's fired, then well....you get the idea, right?
They give him until the end of the week - remember, his boss is still on vacation. Can he wait until the boss gets back? NO.
So, out of frustration, back against wall - he quits. Signs the voluntary resignation, and w/in the hour - he's the newest member of our department's Witness Protection Program.
Back to tonight's call, he needs the boss's cell phone number, because he just got a letter from the Department of Labor - No Unemployment Benefits For You! Seems the dept is saying he quit - voluntarily - when there was suitable work for him (take a peek at page 7).
The whole shyt pissed me off - they did the guy dirty, yanno? I mean, I realize it was a "business decision, based on a business need", but I have also seen plenty of folks get kicked into admin positions on programmers salaries to keep them from having to leave. This guy wanted to work - just couldn't. They intentionally misled him to get him to quit when they told him he could collect unemployment, which just sticks in my craw. Him being from outta state (actually, I'm sure he's from outside the country) - he prolly knew little about Georgia being an "At-Will" state.
And as I type, I'm thinking - Big Bro is prolly watching, and this blog just got more dangerous. And more interesting. ;-)
There was a reason why I used this phrase: pulled out the guillotine and cut the head off a long-time-but-not-yet-qualified-for-retirement-benefits employee. That employee called me this evening.
The situation: I work in an IT department, consisting of mainly Programmers, Quality Assurance Analysts, Business Analysts (technical writers), etc. So, this employee was formerly a programmer. To make the long story short, he transferred in to my department from a location in another city. He'd been with the company 6 yrs, needed 4 to retire, and has 2 boys in college that are benefiting from company-sponsored scholarships.
SO...w/in say 2 months of transferring into our department, it becomes apparent that there's a problem. A disconnect. This dude is having problems programming. For the über-geeky, his background is in C, on mainframes, and we're a strictly Java shop.
They try to work with the guy, classes, tutorials, one-on-one mentoring. It ain't working - he's not getting it. For about 6-7 months, not only is he not getting it, but slowly it's apparent - this kid ain't that geeky. Lil simple things come up - how to change your browser settings, how to edit your host settings, how to ping a server - nothing. He's a bit clueless. I attribute it to him working on mainframes, but still - it looks bad.
Well, it was worse than we all thought. After one less-than-stellar-performing employee asked & got x-ferred to another group, and this guy's performance evaluation comes out bad - this guy thinks maybe he needs to make a change. He approaches management to x-fer to a less technical position.
So far, the whole thing, seems, well - reasonable. He's provided the company with some kinda value for 6 years, and his sincere intention is to continue to provide value.
Here's where the guillotine comes out.
His boss dodges the bullet - goes on vacation before they can address his problem.
Then, the department head - who for all intents & purposes is a pretty mild-mannered guy - turns into a shark. Not only do they say no to the x-fer, but they give him an ultimatum: Learn Java or Die! Okokok, it wasn't THAT deep. But it was Learn Java & improve your performance eval, or get fired.
Now, the sneaky part. They tell the guy verbally that if he resigns he's eligible for unemployment. But if he's fired, then well....you get the idea, right?
They give him until the end of the week - remember, his boss is still on vacation. Can he wait until the boss gets back? NO.
So, out of frustration, back against wall - he quits. Signs the voluntary resignation, and w/in the hour - he's the newest member of our department's Witness Protection Program.
Back to tonight's call, he needs the boss's cell phone number, because he just got a letter from the Department of Labor - No Unemployment Benefits For You! Seems the dept is saying he quit - voluntarily - when there was suitable work for him (take a peek at page 7).
The whole shyt pissed me off - they did the guy dirty, yanno? I mean, I realize it was a "business decision, based on a business need", but I have also seen plenty of folks get kicked into admin positions on programmers salaries to keep them from having to leave. This guy wanted to work - just couldn't. They intentionally misled him to get him to quit when they told him he could collect unemployment, which just sticks in my craw. Him being from outta state (actually, I'm sure he's from outside the country) - he prolly knew little about Georgia being an "At-Will" state.
And as I type, I'm thinking - Big Bro is prolly watching, and this blog just got more dangerous. And more interesting. ;-)
Thursday, November 11, 2004
SG's BACK!
Have you ever cleaned out your closet, and found a gem that you'd overlooked for a long time? I did - found a teal twin sweater set that I haven't worn in 2+ years, that matched this TIGHT brown tweed suit I have perfectly.
Ok, I am SO not digressing - my life-philosophy is of the Fashion existentialist: "I dress my a$$ off, therefore I am. So, there are a lot of fashion references - sue me.
Well, I was cleaning my daughter Chaos' closet - and came across some Aggie gear - NCA&T t-shirt and sweatshirt that belonged to SG. Since I knew the Chaos would end up throwing it away, I gave him a shout.
Surprisingly (or not - since I cut his trifling butt off for violating the Playa's credo by calling me at 3AM for some booty - I, being his play-sista was NOT havin' it), SG was happy to hear from me, and invited me to his 30-something b-day bash at Churchill Grounds, Friday the 19th if y'all are interested in attending. Now, don't get it twisted - SG is still SG. This was proven not only by his romantic status (still an unremittant bachelor), but by the fact that he went to MY Yahoo personals profile, and commented on how much I made:
SG: Yeah, I didn't know you were balling like that.
ME: Hunh?
SG: I saw your profile, and was like, daaaammmnnnn.....!!!!
ME: Oh hell naw, what profile are you talking about? I know I didn't put my real salary up there....dang
SG: Oh yeah you did...you better watch out...some brother is gonna see that and go "KA-CHING!"
ME: (thinking, you're prolly one of the rare ones that is thinking that...lol) Let me HURRY UP and take my income down if that's the case, 'cause lawd knows I ain't trying to be anyone's sugar mama.
Now, his gigolo tendencies aside, I did miss him. He was like, the brother I never had. Sympatico, with a penchant for good food, good wine, good times, and boughetto-ness that only another boughetto sista like me could appreciate. I'm looking forward to hanging with him.
And to anyone that asks - no, we ain't did the horizontal mambo, and we ain't gonna do the horizontal mambo. He's got more notches in his headboard than I care to recant, and I ain't trying to be one of them. If you think you're woman enuff to tame SG - holla at him yo damn self - ain't hookin up ISH so you can cry on my shoulder later...lol.
Ok, I am SO not digressing - my life-philosophy is of the Fashion existentialist: "I dress my a$$ off, therefore I am. So, there are a lot of fashion references - sue me.
Well, I was cleaning my daughter Chaos' closet - and came across some Aggie gear - NCA&T t-shirt and sweatshirt that belonged to SG. Since I knew the Chaos would end up throwing it away, I gave him a shout.
Surprisingly (or not - since I cut his trifling butt off for violating the Playa's credo by calling me at 3AM for some booty - I, being his play-sista was NOT havin' it), SG was happy to hear from me, and invited me to his 30-something b-day bash at Churchill Grounds, Friday the 19th if y'all are interested in attending. Now, don't get it twisted - SG is still SG. This was proven not only by his romantic status (still an unremittant bachelor), but by the fact that he went to MY Yahoo personals profile, and commented on how much I made:
SG: Yeah, I didn't know you were balling like that.
ME: Hunh?
SG: I saw your profile, and was like, daaaammmnnnn.....!!!!
ME: Oh hell naw, what profile are you talking about? I know I didn't put my real salary up there....dang
SG: Oh yeah you did...you better watch out...some brother is gonna see that and go "KA-CHING!"
ME: (thinking, you're prolly one of the rare ones that is thinking that...lol) Let me HURRY UP and take my income down if that's the case, 'cause lawd knows I ain't trying to be anyone's sugar mama.
Now, his gigolo tendencies aside, I did miss him. He was like, the brother I never had. Sympatico, with a penchant for good food, good wine, good times, and boughetto-ness that only another boughetto sista like me could appreciate. I'm looking forward to hanging with him.
And to anyone that asks - no, we ain't did the horizontal mambo, and we ain't gonna do the horizontal mambo. He's got more notches in his headboard than I care to recant, and I ain't trying to be one of them. If you think you're woman enuff to tame SG - holla at him yo damn self - ain't hookin up ISH so you can cry on my shoulder later...lol.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
On work - the intro
I have hesitated for months about posting about work, because honestly - I ain't trying to go out like Michael Hanson & the Microsoft jawn. I'm thinking Microsoft is a misnomer.
And not that work defines me, but we spend SO much time there, and exert So much energy to collect them checks...how can I not occasionally post about it?
So, here's the intro - and here's hoping that my employer (who shall for the moment remain nameless - our stock prices are too high for me to divulge the name right now...lol) is, er - either blog-friendly, or blog ign'ant.
I'm a Programmer for a Fortune 100 in Atlanta. Right'ch now I'm working in Java. For the über-geeky, I'm working in J2EE, using the MVC, in an architecture that resembles Struts, but isn't strictly Struts. I used to develop content - HTML - not that you can tell from THIS layout, but I've been transitioning into straight application development for the last year. I used to want to be a Java-Warrior Princess, but then Struts smacked me in the face, and made me realize that those Hello World progamlettes I wrote in college don't have shyt to do with real applications. Oh well.
Note:: secretly, I still think I'm gonna be the Warrior-princess. One day very soon.
Ok, back to the reason for this post. I work for a Corporation that has a widely respected corporate culture - highly regarded, and with a rich history. Textbooks cases are written about the founder's management style, and the values inherent in my co's culture.
<sigh>
I hate my job.
Well, not always - but most of the time. And not so much the Corp, but the department I work in, management team, and the fact that (their) ultimate power (has) corrupt(ed them). And I hate it for those reasons typical to most warped power environments - the rampant nepotism, the ass-kissing, the politics, the constant insults to my intelligence ("no, we're not outsourcing - we'd never do that...", but what difference does it make, when none of our consultants are U.S. citizens?), the written in pencil policies (you know, they change according to whether you have favored employee status...) - just typical BS.
But I love what I do. And they pay me well.
Part of me is like - go, grasshoppper. Go and be happy. The other part is like, embrace the evil you know, as opposed to confronting the evil you have yet to meet...MUAH-HA-HA-HAAAA-HAAA-HA!!!
I have GOT to work on my evil laugh.
Anywayz, I keep the Monster resume up-to-date, and enabled - just in case a HOTTER, BETTER PAYING GIG comes along. Yeah, nice - I'm at a point where I'm thinking that job will come knocking on my door, and have the handsome prince, and castle lined up right behind it. Surreee...
Meanwhile - I'm working the MBA plan, thinking about teaching, consulting, changing careers completely.
The department hooch made a comment the last time the company pulled out the guillotine and cut the head off a long-time-but-not-yet-qualified-for-retirement-benefits employee: "it's probably best that they fired him, since it was obvious he wasn't happy here anyway". How friggin magnanimous of you - dude is 4 yrs from his benefits, but it's prolly best that he won't get them AND he & his family are losing their sole source of income - nice.
All this to say - the book that I will one day write about this place - would make Office Space seem like a comedy - oh, it WAS a comedy, my bad.
So, in an effort to post more regularly - I'm opening up (someone said I keep too much stuff close to the vest) and introducing you to my gig, and its cast of characters. And if you happen across a java development position... ;-)
And not that work defines me, but we spend SO much time there, and exert So much energy to collect them checks...how can I not occasionally post about it?
So, here's the intro - and here's hoping that my employer (who shall for the moment remain nameless - our stock prices are too high for me to divulge the name right now...lol) is, er - either blog-friendly, or blog ign'ant.
I'm a Programmer for a Fortune 100 in Atlanta. Right'ch now I'm working in Java. For the über-geeky, I'm working in J2EE, using the MVC, in an architecture that resembles Struts, but isn't strictly Struts. I used to develop content - HTML - not that you can tell from THIS layout, but I've been transitioning into straight application development for the last year. I used to want to be a Java-Warrior Princess, but then Struts smacked me in the face, and made me realize that those Hello World progamlettes I wrote in college don't have shyt to do with real applications. Oh well.
Note:: secretly, I still think I'm gonna be the Warrior-princess. One day very soon.
Ok, back to the reason for this post. I work for a Corporation that has a widely respected corporate culture - highly regarded, and with a rich history. Textbooks cases are written about the founder's management style, and the values inherent in my co's culture.
<sigh>
I hate my job.
Well, not always - but most of the time. And not so much the Corp, but the department I work in, management team, and the fact that (their) ultimate power (has) corrupt(ed them). And I hate it for those reasons typical to most warped power environments - the rampant nepotism, the ass-kissing, the politics, the constant insults to my intelligence ("no, we're not outsourcing - we'd never do that...", but what difference does it make, when none of our consultants are U.S. citizens?), the written in pencil policies (you know, they change according to whether you have favored employee status...) - just typical BS.
But I love what I do. And they pay me well.
Part of me is like - go, grasshoppper. Go and be happy. The other part is like, embrace the evil you know, as opposed to confronting the evil you have yet to meet...MUAH-HA-HA-HAAAA-HAAA-HA!!!
I have GOT to work on my evil laugh.
Anywayz, I keep the Monster resume up-to-date, and enabled - just in case a HOTTER, BETTER PAYING GIG comes along. Yeah, nice - I'm at a point where I'm thinking that job will come knocking on my door, and have the handsome prince, and castle lined up right behind it. Surreee...
Meanwhile - I'm working the MBA plan, thinking about teaching, consulting, changing careers completely.
The department hooch made a comment the last time the company pulled out the guillotine and cut the head off a long-time-but-not-yet-qualified-for-retirement-benefits employee: "it's probably best that they fired him, since it was obvious he wasn't happy here anyway". How friggin magnanimous of you - dude is 4 yrs from his benefits, but it's prolly best that he won't get them AND he & his family are losing their sole source of income - nice.
All this to say - the book that I will one day write about this place - would make Office Space seem like a comedy - oh, it WAS a comedy, my bad.
So, in an effort to post more regularly - I'm opening up (someone said I keep too much stuff close to the vest) and introducing you to my gig, and its cast of characters. And if you happen across a java development position... ;-)
Sunday, November 07, 2004
mid-life crisis?
I wanted to drop something real hot/profound about the election, the political process, the hypocrisy ingrained in American culture, classism v. racism, etc. However, I'm feeling rather self-involved of late.
I feel like a monster.
I've been feeling fat and ugly lately. Like I hate looking in the mirror. Not feeling my hair, not feeling my face, not feeling the wardrobe, nuttin. After aggressively going after my facial hair, I thought I'd feel better by now.
Here's how this (sorta) began:: after that initial visit, Travis, my aesthetician (who is a sweetheart) suggested I try some products to help the skin around the facial hair recover from all the damage I've done. I'm thinking YES! I can have better looking skin. So we've been experimenting with products, trying to get the "right' combination.
The (desired)result: My skin is cracking and peeling. BADLY. I look like Goldmember from the Austin Powers movie, and the temptation to keep the dead skin in a box that I can occasionally dip into, to grab a piece & nibble on isn't there AT ALL - but I feel just as creepy. I have facial dandruff (go on & laugh...if it wasn't me, it would be hilarious).
At any given time, I've got dead skin on my face, clothes, in my hair, etc.The new skin is pink. I'm brown - chocolatey at that. Big pink splotches on my cheeks aren't a good look for me - so now I'm feeling MJ and the vitiligo. The bags & circles under my eyes are more pronounced, since I've been burning the candles at both ends, and since my cheeks are pink.
Travis, (bless his heart, because I have been bugging the CRAP outta him about this) with all the patience he can muster, says "thing is sweety, that's what your skin is supposed to be doing. The skin underneath all the peeling is looking really good, so the products are working. Be patient honey - this is the part of Extreme Makeover they don't show..."
I'm trying, really. And not for anything, but I truly didn't know I was this shallow, or obsessed with my appearance. But when the skin looks REALLY bad, I haven't wanted to go outside - not to work, not to class, nowhere. I feel like I suddenly look about 50.
As I'm writing this, I am literally thinking "now you have really lost your mind. The last thing you need is to open yourself up to have some internet stranger validate your thinking by simply saying 'you're not the most attractive woman I've seen...'".
Oh well, maybe someone out there will get something out of this.
In the meantime, I managed to piss the maintenance man completely off by cancelling a last-minute date we had. Inconsiderate, yes. Inconsiderate to the point where you have to go off on me twice? Nah, I don't think so. So, lacking any empathy there (I mean, after all he IS the maintenance dude - why would I get any empathy?), after the second time, I figured this is God's way of telling me that I need to let that go, so I let that go. I do hope he finds whomever he's looking for.
And as for me, I gave myself a mini-extreme makeover: Straightened my hair, but some new makeup, etc. After a trip to the manicurist tomorrow, maybe I can then work on getting my head right.
Oh, and the consensus of my friends: It's not nearly as bad as i think.
If anyone out there reads this (and yes, I know this is shallow and prolly NOT what I need), can you send a super-fine brotha my way to fawn all over me? My ego needs stroking.
ETA:: Ok, yes - it is deeper than that. Grad school is intermittently overwhelming, work has been stressing me. Java-warrior has turned into a data monkey. My old boss took me to lunch, and gave me a really - I mean REALLY meaningful talk. It really helped - crystallized & validated some of my feelings, and he even empathized with the overwhelming feelings I've been feeling. And my support groups - friends - have all lauded me for the discipline I've shown towards school.
But at 3am? I just want to be held, want someone to say "I got you", tell me I'm pretty, intelligent, and ...yes....worthy.
You know your self-esteem is shot to all hell when: You look longingly at drag-queens, wishing to be that feminine AND fierce
Nuff said - I'm going to inhale enuff again.
I feel like a monster.
I've been feeling fat and ugly lately. Like I hate looking in the mirror. Not feeling my hair, not feeling my face, not feeling the wardrobe, nuttin. After aggressively going after my facial hair, I thought I'd feel better by now.
Here's how this (sorta) began:: after that initial visit, Travis, my aesthetician (who is a sweetheart) suggested I try some products to help the skin around the facial hair recover from all the damage I've done. I'm thinking YES! I can have better looking skin. So we've been experimenting with products, trying to get the "right' combination.
The (desired)result: My skin is cracking and peeling. BADLY. I look like Goldmember from the Austin Powers movie, and the temptation to keep the dead skin in a box that I can occasionally dip into, to grab a piece & nibble on isn't there AT ALL - but I feel just as creepy. I have facial dandruff (go on & laugh...if it wasn't me, it would be hilarious).
At any given time, I've got dead skin on my face, clothes, in my hair, etc.The new skin is pink. I'm brown - chocolatey at that. Big pink splotches on my cheeks aren't a good look for me - so now I'm feeling MJ and the vitiligo. The bags & circles under my eyes are more pronounced, since I've been burning the candles at both ends, and since my cheeks are pink.
Travis, (bless his heart, because I have been bugging the CRAP outta him about this) with all the patience he can muster, says "thing is sweety, that's what your skin is supposed to be doing. The skin underneath all the peeling is looking really good, so the products are working. Be patient honey - this is the part of Extreme Makeover they don't show..."
I'm trying, really. And not for anything, but I truly didn't know I was this shallow, or obsessed with my appearance. But when the skin looks REALLY bad, I haven't wanted to go outside - not to work, not to class, nowhere. I feel like I suddenly look about 50.
As I'm writing this, I am literally thinking "now you have really lost your mind. The last thing you need is to open yourself up to have some internet stranger validate your thinking by simply saying 'you're not the most attractive woman I've seen...'".
Oh well, maybe someone out there will get something out of this.
In the meantime, I managed to piss the maintenance man completely off by cancelling a last-minute date we had. Inconsiderate, yes. Inconsiderate to the point where you have to go off on me twice? Nah, I don't think so. So, lacking any empathy there (I mean, after all he IS the maintenance dude - why would I get any empathy?), after the second time, I figured this is God's way of telling me that I need to let that go, so I let that go. I do hope he finds whomever he's looking for.
And as for me, I gave myself a mini-extreme makeover: Straightened my hair, but some new makeup, etc. After a trip to the manicurist tomorrow, maybe I can then work on getting my head right.
Oh, and the consensus of my friends: It's not nearly as bad as i think.
If anyone out there reads this (and yes, I know this is shallow and prolly NOT what I need), can you send a super-fine brotha my way to fawn all over me? My ego needs stroking.
ETA:: Ok, yes - it is deeper than that. Grad school is intermittently overwhelming, work has been stressing me. Java-warrior has turned into a data monkey. My old boss took me to lunch, and gave me a really - I mean REALLY meaningful talk. It really helped - crystallized & validated some of my feelings, and he even empathized with the overwhelming feelings I've been feeling. And my support groups - friends - have all lauded me for the discipline I've shown towards school.
But at 3am? I just want to be held, want someone to say "I got you", tell me I'm pretty, intelligent, and ...yes....worthy.
You know your self-esteem is shot to all hell when: You look longingly at drag-queens, wishing to be that feminine AND fierce
Nuff said - I'm going to inhale enuff again.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
BS Line of The Week
Note: I like My 100 Things so much, I intentionally left it up for a long time. I'm gonna have to redesign this jawn, to add that as a permanent link. In any event...
School is kicking my a$$ - for real. I'm fairly intelligent, and between the exhaustive reading/research, and papers - I'm baked. Brain is fried, and I'm having trouble remembering anything short term.
Er, what was this post about again?
Oh yeah - school. Then on top of e'erything else, what's up with my egocentric profs? It's not enuff to complete the assignments - oh hell naw. One of my profs is basing the final grade on class participation - 20%. You thinking, cool - just contribute to class discussion, and I should be cool, right?
Wrong - she's holding tardiness and absenteeism against us. WTF - am I in elementary school? The quote that ends up being the BS Line for This Week: "I'm rewarding those who show their dedication to the classroom experience by getting to class on time..." Like we're just blowing HER off because we feel like it...her class is our only class, and we're just students, with no other obligations...geez.
I considered a pre-emptive grade strike - voice my complaint to the dean that this is some ole BS, just in case I get less than an A in this class, but nah - I'mma play by her rules, kiss a$$,bring her an apple, be a good student - then nail her in the evals at the end of the semester.
Hm, maybe I'm taking this too personally...lol.
School is kicking my a$$ - for real. I'm fairly intelligent, and between the exhaustive reading/research, and papers - I'm baked. Brain is fried, and I'm having trouble remembering anything short term.
Er, what was this post about again?
Oh yeah - school. Then on top of e'erything else, what's up with my egocentric profs? It's not enuff to complete the assignments - oh hell naw. One of my profs is basing the final grade on class participation - 20%. You thinking, cool - just contribute to class discussion, and I should be cool, right?
Wrong - she's holding tardiness and absenteeism against us. WTF - am I in elementary school? The quote that ends up being the BS Line for This Week: "I'm rewarding those who show their dedication to the classroom experience by getting to class on time..." Like we're just blowing HER off because we feel like it...her class is our only class, and we're just students, with no other obligations...geez.
I considered a pre-emptive grade strike - voice my complaint to the dean that this is some ole BS, just in case I get less than an A in this class, but nah - I'mma play by her rules, kiss a$$,bring her an apple, be a good student - then nail her in the evals at the end of the semester.
Hm, maybe I'm taking this too personally...lol.
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